Trust and Patience

I think these are the two things that God is trying to teach me right now through a variety of avenues, including my/our desire to adopt: trust and patience. Unfortunately, I am not a quick study. I am, however, a willing student and I think that counts for something. :)

The military has a saying, which is going to apply to adoption as well. It's called "hurry up to wait". We can't even start our adoption, at least, until the beginning of the year. I've been thoroughly obsessed with adoption since we decided we were going to go ahead with it about a month ago. I've been getting references, doing research, reading, studying, making book lists, thinking about financing, stalking blogs, reading about culture, trying to plan a timeline when I have absolutely no idea what the military has in store for us, and worrying, worrying, worrying. Okay, and some praying too, but unfortunately the worrying has outnumbered the prayers. I'm trying to pace myself with the blogs and the research because really I'm just hurrying up to wait until we can start.

I've also started keeping a list of Bible verses that either I've found or I've snatched off of other people's blogs that feel applicable in our situation. I really feel like God is teaching me to trust in His ways, in His timing, in His providence. There is no other way that I can with any semblance of dignity and peace make it through this process. I know this before we can even really begin. I have to trust that He knows better than I do. I do know this, I just don't act like it most of the time. So what is the fruit of trusting? I think it's patience. If I'm really trusting Him then I don't have to rush and I don't have to worry. I just have to rest in His hands.

Here are some of my verses so far:

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he make straight your path."

Habakkuk 2:3 "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end, and will not prove false. Though it lingers, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."

Psalm 46: 10 "Be still and know that I am God."

That's what I have for right now. I know this entry was a little ahead of its time since I haven't even gone into our decision to adopt yet, but I will, eventually...I've got plenty of time!

Praying for you

Hello Little One,

I don't know where you are. I don't know what you look like. I don't know your name. There's a possibility that you have not been born yet. I don't know. I do know that God knows you. He knows your heart. He knows your face. He knows the hurts and loss that you must face before you become mine. I don't know you, but God does.

I am praying for you. I am praying that you are surrounded by protection, health, and love. I am praying for the family that will welcome you to this world. I'm praying for the first mother and father that you will know. I pray that your days with them are as sweet as possible. I pray that you can feel and know their love for you. They will do everything that they can for you out of love. And it's because of the depth and burden of that love that they will let you go. You will suffer for this loss and the hearts that love you, God, your first family, and my family and myself, we will all feel the ache of your suffering. Our hearts break along with yours. My promise to your first parents, my promise to God, my promise to you is that you will be loved again. I will love you. My family will love you. We will not leave you to cry alone. You were born into a loving family and because of their love you will experience a rebirth into our loving family.

My prayers are with you little one until I can be with you.


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2/2010 Update: This was written before we had "found" Little Miss, hence the Little One greeting...