Dear Diary,
Well, today has been super-duper great. I woke up and the birds were singing sweetly outside my window, the sun was shining, the coffee was percolating, and there was a rainbow right. in. my. bedroom. Amazing. It even had that miraculous pot of gold at the bottom so there will never be any money issues at Zehlahlum house. The miracles continued as I came downstairs. That man who walks around knocking on doors and handing out giant checks? He was on my doorstep! Pot of gold AND an oversized check all on the same day! Super-duper! And then do you know what happened next? My children rose up and called me blessed. Even Pickle. I didn't even know he could say blessed! They each very eloquently apologized for being and acting like toddlers/preschoolers. They even agreed to no longer have bodily functions so as to not mar the the tranquility of the air. Little Miss apologized for feeling grief and trauma and not being born of my womb and choosing to have all these so called "attachment problems". I apologized for my grievous error of not being perfect and for experiencing emotion. It was all very touching.
After our family meeting this morning Peanut led us all in a session of restorative yoga while my dear husband went out to start the process of hiring a household staff so that I don't worry about day to day drudgery anymore. I'm going to be freed up to work on more important matters. We've decided that with my experience in negotiating sibling conflicts I'm going to apply that to the Middle East. I fully expect to have peace restored in the next few days. Stay tuned!
I'm also delighted to report that I've received a telegraph from the Lord and I've been alerted to when the Rapture is coming so that I can have all my precious angels bedecked in their finest apparel and waiting at the door. Miss Manners is coming to get lessons from Little Miss. Peanut is going to be inducted into the Best Sleeping Child Hall of Fame. And Pickle has won the coveted Cutest Baby of the Universe trophy. We're all just over the moon.
Really, everything is just coming together beautifully. We're thinking about taking our family on tour as an inspirational singer group.
Hugs and Kisses,
Little Princess Flower
PS. I bet none of you could tell that my parents used to
You are insane. In a funny, laugh-at-myself-and-the-rest-of-the-world kind of way...
ReplyDeleteand I still love ya!
If the man with the big check is still around...send him my way.
ReplyDeleteDawn
bwahahahahahaha!!! All I want to know is, are you going to post a picture of how you will be styling Little Miss' hair for the Rapture? Because, I expect that you will be doing some crazy complicated do's on her very soon! :-)
ReplyDeletei thought i was having a pretty good day, but then i read about YOURS! i'm super duper jealous, but really happy for you... really ;0}
ReplyDeleteI have been concerned about matters in the Middle East for so long and NOW I NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY!!!! So glad that you are here to help the world be a better place, Little Princess Flower.
ReplyDeleteNow, what are you gonna do about those crack-pots on Fox News???
ROFLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Oh my goodness, that was funny. Phew, let me catch my breath. Great post! Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteOh, that we all could have lives as perfect as yours, Little Princess Flower!!
ReplyDeleteI just threw up a little in my mouth.
ReplyDeleteLori--for the Rapture my girl will be spotting a fro and a Poppy Dip because nothing makes her look cuter! I do need to find some good accessories for the TWA though.
ReplyDeleteGayla. I appreciate your faith in Little Princess Flower, but there is no force on earth that could straighten out Fox "News".