I've been trying to think of what to say over the last few days. I apologize for the dearth of posts. I have been working on posts and it's just not coming. I'm not sure what the block has been. I know it's partially due to our recent situation, but I think the rest of it has just been a struggle to put into words. I am trying to work on a post about our progress, but gah, it's hard.
You can only know what this is like if you've lived it or are currently living it. You can't know unless it's part of your story. You just can't. You can choose to empathize, sympathize, or judge, but you can't know.
When you are engaged and thinking about your soon to be husband (wife) you think that you can NEVER love them any more than you do right then. And you're wrong. You will love them more over time. You just don't know until you're married and living it.
Before you have a child you think that you can imagine how much you will love them. You think you know the sacrifice that it will take to raise them. And you're wrong. You will love them more than you ever imagined and you will sacrifice more than you ever dreamed of. You just don't know the depth of love and sacrifice until you live it, until you hold that child.
When I talk about parenting an attachment challenged child you can't know what it's like until you're doing it. You can read the books and imagine what it might be like, but you just can't know. You can't know the pain that rips through your heart when your child would happily leap from your arms to a stranger until it's ripping through your own heart. You can't know the inner struggle when a child who was moments before screaming and spitting at you suddenly wants to be held and tries to crawl inside your body only to revert to tantrums two minutes later and back and forth all day. You can think that you know, but until it's your child, you just can't know.
And this goes on and on and on. I don't know why we insist on judging people. My family doesn't act like and look like your family. Why does one of us have to be "right"? Why do we keep whispering and spreading rumors about people? Whether on the internet, by phone, or in person? Why do we have to separate ourselves like that?
The list of things that I don't know about it is long. I don't know what it's like to be divorced. Can I try to imagine the causes and the pain and what could have been done to prevent it? Sure. I don't know what it's like to parent a child who has significant special needs. Can I think about what I would do, how I would react, the services that I would get for my child? Yes. I don't know what it's like to experience the death of a child or a spouse. I don't know what it's like to have an adoption disrupt, I don't know what it's like to have an addiction or live with someone that does. I don't know what it's like to not know where my next meal is coming from or to be homeless. I don't know what it's like to be paralyzed or to live with a chronic illness. I can imagine myself in each of those situations and what I would do.
But that doesn't count for squat. I have no business judging someone until I have been where they are. And since I cannot be someone else that means that I have no business judging someone. Ever. Never. Ever. We are never called to judge. We are called to love.
Let's all just lay off, huh?