Sunshine & Lollipops

I'm really glad that it's Friday because I don't think I can take any more adoption news. My brain is fried. My heartbeat is erratic. I flinch at the site of an email. But my heart is happy.

It was a day of good news (sunshine and lollipops) for the Zehlahlum family. We got our first round of good news last night that we assumed we'd be exempt from the changes in Ethiopia regarding two trips. This is great news for us. There were ways that we could see two trips as a good experience and if we had done it I think that in hindsight we would have appreciate it. But the fact is it's a huge change, it was/is stunning and it creates serious issues for adoptive parents who were almost done and then blindsided.

This morning I talked with our agency and had it confirmed that we would most likely not have to travel twice. We are expected to get a court date soon and will only have to travel once. No one is going to make any promises because clearly surprises crop up, but this is as good as it's going to get in terms of certainty.

Then this afternoon we received some donations from people toward our travel account. I am shocked (and profoundly grateful) every time this happens. The people who are helping us bring home our daughter have a place in my heart that I cannot even express. I cried today. (Okay, I cry frequently, but these were tears of thankfulness and praise)

Later on in the afternoon I started to worry about our i600a and needing approval for that before we can continue with the process in Ethiopia. We were fingerprinted on 2/24/2010 and so I wasn't expecting it to be particularly soon. With our agency pushing things along in Ethiopia I had some fleeting concerns that we were going to run into a problem with getting to court before we had approval. I decided not to worry because doesn't God keep showing his face to me again and again and again.

All day I've been getting emails from people expressing their love for us, their prayers for our process, and encouraging us. It's been balm to my soul and I'm so thankful to be able to keep these emails to show our daughter someday about the people who loved her before they even met her.

Early this evening I received an email verifying that our i600a was approved and that we should be looking for our official approval this coming week. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

It's been a day full of sunshine and lollipops for us and I am grateful. But I cannot end this post without reminding you all that not everyone is receiving the same answers that we are. Some people will not make the cut-off, some people will have to arrange two trips, say painful goodbyes to their children here and then their child in Ethiopia. There are paperwork worries and financial concerns.

People's hearts are hurting today. As an adoption community we need to reach out to each other and offer support anyway we can. People who are disappointed don't need pat answers, they need people to listen to them and hear their pain and disappointment. They need people to offer prayers on their behalf, but to take action as well. Can you give ten dollars to help someone who might have to spend ten thousand on two trips to Ethiopia? Can you take them dinner and a case of beer? Can you watch their children? This is a great time to be the HANDS and FEET of Jesus.

Nervous Condition

I'm not going to say a lot because there's not a lot to say, but it is good news. We got a surprise email from our agency last night. We had been told that they'd update us today (Friday). We were told that they were given a month's "stay of execution" before the new two trip rule went into effect. So they have a month to get cases to court and those people will be ushered through under the old system.

My first thought was just relief, enormous, overwhelming relief for our family. I also think this is a little more "fair" as if fairness has anything to do with adoption, parenting, or life.... Still, this reprieve allows families who are already matched and have their paperwork ready to go to most likely finish the adoption with the same rules that they started with. These are the families that are almost "there".

It's still not perfect though. Even if it (hopefully, most likely) won't affect MY family there are other families that will be hit hard, that will be left reeling like I was, that will face the same challenges, and will miss the cut-off by a ridiculously small margin. They will be hurting and scared and my prayers are with those families.

We still don't have a lot of facts though. It wasn't clear if we just needed to have a court date scheduled during that time or if we need to pass court. It wasn't clear exactly when that month started and "approximately a month" means... And clearly, after yesterday, we are even more aware that in adoption (much like the military) ANYTHING can happen and the powers-that-be aren't much interested in the impact that has on us.

I want to thank everyone who is praying for us. Please don't stop! We still need your prayers. Here's some prayer pointers... :)

1. Please pray that we do indeed finish our adoption with one trip.
2. Pray for a fast assignment of a court date and that we pass on the first try (this only happens about 50% of the time)
3. Pray that our agency can get reliable information and make wise decisions for ALL of the families involved
4. We still do have travel costs to raise, childcare to arrange, and a long way to go
5. Pray for the families who will be affected by this rule change
6. Always pray for the children who just need a loving family

Thuper Thursday 4

I liked the categories that I did for the last Thuper Thursday so that's what we're going with again.

1. Thuper Blog of the Week: The Terry Family

Megan just brought their son from the Democratic Republic of Congo less than a month ago. Her posts are honest, funny, and thought-provoking. She's done some great giveaways. She's a friend of my husband.

2. Thuper Food of the Week: Samoa Cookie Ice Cream

If I were going to count ice cream among my blessings in prayer (and sometimes I do) it would go something like this, "Thank you sweet baby Jesus, for this delicious ice cream. Please help me not to covet my husband's bowlful and help me to share it with my children even though they don't deserve it. Thank you that they make a Light version of this that is equally delicious (and relatively healthy by ice cream standards) and thank you for your wisdom in only making it available to me part of the year. Help to be strong when it is gone in May. Amen."

3. Thuper Etsy Item of the Week: Triceratops Hat

Check out how awesome this hat it! I like the one with variegated greens. I'd love to have this hat for Peanut. I want to buy it as one of his presents for when we go to Ethiopia, but we'll just have to see how the finances have worked themselves out. 

4. Thuper Thucky News of the Week: Two Trips
Ethiopia now requires two trips to complete an adoption. These blogs say it better than my moody post of yesterday.
Chrissy
Zoe
There was another one I was looking for, but can't find now...

5. Thuper Video of the Week: "Praise You in this Storm"
This song has been very encouraging to me throughout the adoption process and so I'm sharing with you. I also think that this song will be something that speaks to Little Miss as she grows up and faces her own trials in life. And just as hint to other people who post videos with lyrics...CHECK YOUR SPELLING!
"wipes" does not equal "whips"... 

Surprise

My brain is truly still reeling from all the thinking and crying that I've been doing today it's given me a headache and my stomach is churning. 

I'm experiencing a HUGE disconnect between my heart and my head. I was expecting our next big announcement to be a court date. What we got today was anything, but that happy news.

Today we learned that Ethiopia has become a two-trip country. Two trips before we can bring our Little Miss home. Anyone who does not have a court date (like the one we're expecting in the next few weeks...) will have to travel to Ethiopia before court and spend time with their child. Then they have to LEAVE their child in Ethiopia and fly home. Then two or three weeks later they get to go back and come home with the child. 

The reasons for doing this are good. They are. 

(But good things hurt sometimes too) 

The reasons for doing this are as follows: 

It cuts down on agencies acting like lying irresponsible amoral fools who purposefully age-down children or refer children with special needs as healthy children to parents who aren't prepared for that challenge. Once you pass court in Ethiopia that child is adopted and that is practically irreversible in Ethiopia. So, if you have corrupt agencies misrepresenting children and parents don't arrive until AFTER they have passed court then they either have to take home a child they aren't prepared to parent or they do not take the child home and that child is unadoptable. 

I support ethical adoptions.

100%

What gets me is that this is effective IMMEDIATELY.

That makes it hard for us families who were almost there.

People who have paperwork in Ethiopia

and are just waiting for their court date.

We were close to the end.

Now we have to make two trips.

Trips are expensive and we were right at the end.

We have the funds to pay for the adoption.

We worked it out. Saved it up. Prayed. 

We have that taken care of.

We don't have travel taken care of yet.

Now we have travel times two.

YIKES!

This is hard on parents who already have small children in the home.

Three years old.

One year old.

Picking a country with ONE trip was part of our plan to minimize disruption to our children.

We don't have family close by that can just drop everything and watch my kids. 

I worry about the effects of this on Little Miss.

Yes, I'm happy to go see her, to play with her, to kiss her, to love her.

We'll be there for a few days.

Just long enough for her to get comfortable with us.

And then we'll leave.

I don't see that as doing much for her bonding process.

Yes, I want to see Ethiopia.

I want to soak it in. I want to photograph it. 

I want to bring it home to share with my daughter as she grows.

But, have I mentioned that I'm just shocked?

I know this post hasn't been coherent. It hasn't made me look like a "good" person. It makes me look selfish. Sorry about that. I'm a person and I'm selfish sometimes. Right now I'm worried, sad, and scared. I'm thinking about how we're going to make it through because I don't know.

We will make it through.

I will choose to focus on the good sides of this change.

I will pray. I will trust. I will pray.

I will get my act together.

I will write blog posts that are thoughtful and thought-provoking

(and failing that I will link to other people who can...)

Book Review: "A Pocketful of Poems"

Back to children's books!

"A Pocketful of Poems" by Nikki Grimes

Backstory:  I found this quirky little book in a Borders bookstore in Monterey, CA in a discount section where underappreciated books were being sold 6 for $5.00. (Yes, I bought six books...in addition to the full-price books I picked out. I don't NEED to eat, but I do need to read...)

Why: I think poetry is not read enough. I personally, don't read enough because like I've confessed before, I think poetry should all rhyme... So, while I may not appreciate adult-oriented poetry, I like children's poetry! :) I also think poetry is good for my children's growing brains. It uses a different vocabulary and style from the way we usually speak and the books we usually read. I think that exposure is good for them. I'm sure there's research to back that up somewhere...

Overview: This is a book of poetry that has two poems per spread of pages, one is a haiku and one is not. They're written in the voice of Tiana who is a little brown girl (literally from the collage-style pictures, she looks like brown construction paper) who lives in Harlem. The poems are about a variety of things in her life: seasons, pigeons, Harlem, pumpkins, baseballs, rain, Christmas, etc.

Intended Audience: Peanut likes this book although we haven't read it recently. He looks at each picture for a long time and we talk about them even after we've finished the poems. He likes the pumpkins on the bus and he likes to talk about what Tiana is doing in each picture.

My thoughts: I like the book too. I like that it features an African-American little girl and was written by an African-American woman who has been successful with her writing career and had a complicated background as a child. The poems are easy to read and are about things that children are familiar with. I think that with an older child it would be a good way to introduce them to poetry and Haiku to teach them to write their own.

Score: 4 out of 5- Good solid book, definitely worth being in the library, but not one we read daily.

BOOK ALERT

 I'm not going to write a review of this book yet because I'm in chapter five...

and I don't want to stop reading long enough to compose thoughts.

YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!

This is the best parenting/adoption book I've ever read. The best.

I told my husband I was brilliant for finding it.

That actually happened like two years ago, but I bought it for my sister.

I hadn't read it, I just saw it and it sounded good to my ignorant self and so I bought it for her.

Well, I found it again and now I'm reading it.

Let me tell you.

I'm brilliant for finding this book!

Does anyone else read the introduction to books?

I don't know, but I do.

This book has so much adoption parenting goodness that I was learning things in the introduction!!

This is THE book I've been looking for.

This book is IT.

Like I said, I'm barely into this book, but this it what it says to me:

"Parenting is hard. Parenting an internationally adopted child has special challenges. It is hard, but YOU CAN DO IT. Don't give up. Let me help you."

A funnier than mine summation of this book says, "you won't need a PhD in psychology or a prescription for prozac to read Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child"

This book has made me cry. It's made me hurt for my child and for all the children of the world in the same situation. But it doesn't leave you hurting. It doesn't make you feel depressed and alone (Hello, Toddler Adoption). It's a little more academic and deep than "The Connected Child" (which was still great), but isn't hard to read. 

Buy this book. Buy this book. Buy this book.

"Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child"

by Patty Cogen

Here's another link to a review, if for some reason you're not buying the book already...