On Monday it will be one month since we brought home our daughter. Is that possible? I'm not entirely sure yet that this is not a huge cosmic joke or prank. Jokes are funny and pranks are mean in case anyone is wondering about the difference there and the verdict is still out...lol!
I thought about writing a post about what it's like right now, but with years of "show, don't tell" writing advice under my belt (different from 'don't ask, don't tell') I thought that I would do something different for our 1 month anniversary: Real-time blogging.I know you're all groaning now, but I've got my earplugs in so I can't hear you.....
WOO-OHH, WOO-OOH! This is a READINESS DRILL!!! Potential Adoptive Parents, do you know where your earplugs are?! Find them. Now. You're going to need them... :) Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blogging.
On Monday, June 7, 2010. I will give you a painfully up-close, minute by minute, tantrum by tear by bite by giggle peek into my life. You are going to think you're here, wish you weren't, and be ready to have a drink with me when the kids are finally in bed.
Stay tuned!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Travel Post Three
Friday Night, April 30, 2010
Well, today was THE day, the day that we met our daughter, our little Name Withheld for Privacy Reasons. :) It's sometime after 11pm and I'm journaling from the shelf-seat in the bathroom. No funky smell tonight.... Andrew barely slept last night so he conked out at 8pm.
We woke up early and I was antsy to meet her, just so beyond ready. I spent all of breakfast annoying everyone sitting around by stating how ready I was over and over. I was nervous too, but ready.(So I thought...lol...) First we had to go to an orientation at the Holt office. We ran into rush hour traffic on the way there so the trip ended up taking about twenty minutes in a hot van scrunched up with a bunch of other people. The orientation was only mildly useful. I can think of many many things that would have been more helpful.
Finally it was done and we were driven back to the Hotel to walk next door. It was nerve wracking. I think Tamara and I might have held hands at one point on the way over. I'm not sure what Andrew and Ryan were doing.... :) My hands were literally shaking.
We sat down and the staff brought the kids in one by one. Most of them were a little reserved, but there were no criers and no screamers. The family who was adopting the oldest boy got a big hug. He clearly "got" what was going on. I think all families go prepared for screaming, but certainly dread the thought. We were happy there wasn't any of that. We were in the middle of the group so I don't remember those that came after us, but I would have remembered screaming.
Our first impression of Little Miss was from in between the banister rails as she toddler-stepped, one foot at a time and just a little sideways with her little feet in pink crocs down the twisty steps holding onto a nanny's hand.
We were kneeling in the middle of the room. She was the most reluctant (oh the things to come) of the kids who had come so far. She got in front of us and planted herself right there. She stopped her feet and wasn't moving another inch. The nanny holding her hand spoke to her and I heard "Little Miss" and "mama". She wasn't fooled though. She may not have known who I was, but she definitely knew I was NOT her mama. Her nanny tried to continue pulling her forward gently by her hand and into our arms, but Little Miss countered that by leaning backward. Maybe it was an ambiguous meeting/greeting, but what a moment!
After a second I picked her up and just talked, smiled, cried, and walked around. She wasn't all that into us and kept her distance even as I was holding her. She definitely wanted down. We kept holding her and talking. She whimpered a few times and I was afraid she was going to cry, but she never did. She stayed reserved, but she did stop trying to get down. We just walked and talked.
A few minutes later we were told to take her upstairs and let her eat her lunch--which might have explained some of her reluctance! The kids were having traditional Ethiopian food with injera. At first when I put her down on her chair she just sat there and didn't eat and wouldn't let me fed her. All the other kids were eaten and letting their parents feed them and I just wanted to cry because she was so blank. After a few moments she did let me feed her (relief) and she even let Andrew feed her (more relief) and she started to liven up. We got a few high-fives from her and since she didn't seem so reluctant to be touched at that point we did some kissing which she found pretty amusing. She played with Andrew's nametag and touched his stubble. The only Amharic I could remember the whole time was "konjo" beautiful, which got zero response from her (to this day).
After lunch she went back downstairs with us and she played with the beach ball that someone else had brought. She wasn't really interested in any of the toys I brought. She still liked the nametags. I thought that would translate into liking the necklace I had brought for her, but nope. She stayed edgy the whole time, but when I took her upstairs for her naptime she didn't want to be handed off to the nanny. I put her in her bed even though she didn't want me to put her down. I blew kisses and told her that I'd be back. I heard the nanny start talking to her right away so I think/hope that she was telling her the same thing. Her bedroom was on the third floor and was small, airless and hot. One wall was lined with toddler beds, there was a dresser, and then a couch/bed where it looked like one of the nannies slept. There was some floor space in the middle where the kids could play.
We walked with other families to Kaldi's for lunch. The fries were very good, but I didn't care for the burger. It was cheap and huge so I could have split it with someone else although Andrew ate all of his. It did come with fries as well so we ended up with a double order. I wasn't crazy impressed with the place, but someone else said their veggie burger was very good.
It was really interesting to walk around and I wish we could have done more of it. We ended up not doing very much because our trip was just so emotionally draining as it went on that by the time we got to our "free time" we just didn't have any more energy. We needed to go back to our room and recoup. There are just people everywhere going about their lives like you'd see people walking about in any big city. It's slightly unnerving to feel like you're constantly about to be hit by a car, but judging by how little care the Ethiopians had for it clearly it's something that you get accustomed to. :) You see everyone on the streets from beggars who have a physical condition to mothers walking around with babies on their backs asking for money, children running about, businessmen and women, just everyone. There were people selling their wares right on the sidewalk and you'd just step around them.
We had another orientation meeting with all of us crammed into a tiny room later that afternoon. We filled out forms, got scant information on our child. All we got was a sample menu of the food that she was eating. Totally unhelpful. We met some Holt office staff people and got some good information (my travel journal says we did---I can't remember any of it) It was still mostly a time-waster, in my opinion. I understand that they want everyone to meet the staff and get a sense of their care for the children and the process, but it just wasn't the information we needed to have. We ran into a bit of group hassles and were late getting back to the care center to see the kids again.
Our evening visit was a bit smoother. She was still reserved, but she was more friendly. We haven't seen any genuine smiles, but it is just the first day and it was pretty chaotic in the room with so many people. She was very possessive of "her" toys and once she something in her hands she considered it to be hers.It was so funny to see her try to see how many balloons and balls that she could hold at one time. She is very quiet, but expressive. She was definitely indiscriminate with who she would show affection to and different people in the group would respond to the kids in different ways. We encouraged her to keep coming back to us. She did like to sit in my lap and would hook her little arm around my neck, which I loved. Again, at goodbye she didn't want to go and would push the nanny's hands away when they reached for her. The nannies respond very well to the kids though, which is good to see.
Well, today was THE day, the day that we met our daughter, our little Name Withheld for Privacy Reasons. :) It's sometime after 11pm and I'm journaling from the shelf-seat in the bathroom. No funky smell tonight.... Andrew barely slept last night so he conked out at 8pm.
We woke up early and I was antsy to meet her, just so beyond ready. I spent all of breakfast annoying everyone sitting around by stating how ready I was over and over. I was nervous too, but ready.(So I thought...lol...) First we had to go to an orientation at the Holt office. We ran into rush hour traffic on the way there so the trip ended up taking about twenty minutes in a hot van scrunched up with a bunch of other people. The orientation was only mildly useful. I can think of many many things that would have been more helpful.
Finally it was done and we were driven back to the Hotel to walk next door. It was nerve wracking. I think Tamara and I might have held hands at one point on the way over. I'm not sure what Andrew and Ryan were doing.... :) My hands were literally shaking.
We sat down and the staff brought the kids in one by one. Most of them were a little reserved, but there were no criers and no screamers. The family who was adopting the oldest boy got a big hug. He clearly "got" what was going on. I think all families go prepared for screaming, but certainly dread the thought. We were happy there wasn't any of that. We were in the middle of the group so I don't remember those that came after us, but I would have remembered screaming.
Our first impression of Little Miss was from in between the banister rails as she toddler-stepped, one foot at a time and just a little sideways with her little feet in pink crocs down the twisty steps holding onto a nanny's hand.
We were kneeling in the middle of the room. She was the most reluctant (oh the things to come) of the kids who had come so far. She got in front of us and planted herself right there. She stopped her feet and wasn't moving another inch. The nanny holding her hand spoke to her and I heard "Little Miss" and "mama". She wasn't fooled though. She may not have known who I was, but she definitely knew I was NOT her mama. Her nanny tried to continue pulling her forward gently by her hand and into our arms, but Little Miss countered that by leaning backward. Maybe it was an ambiguous meeting/greeting, but what a moment!
After a second I picked her up and just talked, smiled, cried, and walked around. She wasn't all that into us and kept her distance even as I was holding her. She definitely wanted down. We kept holding her and talking. She whimpered a few times and I was afraid she was going to cry, but she never did. She stayed reserved, but she did stop trying to get down. We just walked and talked.
A few minutes later we were told to take her upstairs and let her eat her lunch--which might have explained some of her reluctance! The kids were having traditional Ethiopian food with injera. At first when I put her down on her chair she just sat there and didn't eat and wouldn't let me fed her. All the other kids were eaten and letting their parents feed them and I just wanted to cry because she was so blank. After a few moments she did let me feed her (relief) and she even let Andrew feed her (more relief) and she started to liven up. We got a few high-fives from her and since she didn't seem so reluctant to be touched at that point we did some kissing which she found pretty amusing. She played with Andrew's nametag and touched his stubble. The only Amharic I could remember the whole time was "konjo" beautiful, which got zero response from her (to this day).
After lunch she went back downstairs with us and she played with the beach ball that someone else had brought. She wasn't really interested in any of the toys I brought. She still liked the nametags. I thought that would translate into liking the necklace I had brought for her, but nope. She stayed edgy the whole time, but when I took her upstairs for her naptime she didn't want to be handed off to the nanny. I put her in her bed even though she didn't want me to put her down. I blew kisses and told her that I'd be back. I heard the nanny start talking to her right away so I think/hope that she was telling her the same thing. Her bedroom was on the third floor and was small, airless and hot. One wall was lined with toddler beds, there was a dresser, and then a couch/bed where it looked like one of the nannies slept. There was some floor space in the middle where the kids could play.
We walked with other families to Kaldi's for lunch. The fries were very good, but I didn't care for the burger. It was cheap and huge so I could have split it with someone else although Andrew ate all of his. It did come with fries as well so we ended up with a double order. I wasn't crazy impressed with the place, but someone else said their veggie burger was very good.
It was really interesting to walk around and I wish we could have done more of it. We ended up not doing very much because our trip was just so emotionally draining as it went on that by the time we got to our "free time" we just didn't have any more energy. We needed to go back to our room and recoup. There are just people everywhere going about their lives like you'd see people walking about in any big city. It's slightly unnerving to feel like you're constantly about to be hit by a car, but judging by how little care the Ethiopians had for it clearly it's something that you get accustomed to. :) You see everyone on the streets from beggars who have a physical condition to mothers walking around with babies on their backs asking for money, children running about, businessmen and women, just everyone. There were people selling their wares right on the sidewalk and you'd just step around them.
We had another orientation meeting with all of us crammed into a tiny room later that afternoon. We filled out forms, got scant information on our child. All we got was a sample menu of the food that she was eating. Totally unhelpful. We met some Holt office staff people and got some good information (my travel journal says we did---I can't remember any of it) It was still mostly a time-waster, in my opinion. I understand that they want everyone to meet the staff and get a sense of their care for the children and the process, but it just wasn't the information we needed to have. We ran into a bit of group hassles and were late getting back to the care center to see the kids again.
Our evening visit was a bit smoother. She was still reserved, but she was more friendly. We haven't seen any genuine smiles, but it is just the first day and it was pretty chaotic in the room with so many people. She was very possessive of "her" toys and once she something in her hands she considered it to be hers.It was so funny to see her try to see how many balloons and balls that she could hold at one time. She is very quiet, but expressive. She was definitely indiscriminate with who she would show affection to and different people in the group would respond to the kids in different ways. We encouraged her to keep coming back to us. She did like to sit in my lap and would hook her little arm around my neck, which I loved. Again, at goodbye she didn't want to go and would push the nanny's hands away when they reached for her. The nannies respond very well to the kids though, which is good to see.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Check Back
This is a public service announcement that if anyone liked the Diagnosis post they should keep checking on it throughout the day because I'm adding more to it as I hide from my children think up more identifying characteristics.
Zehlahlum Management
Zehlahlum Management
Monday, May 31, 2010
Diagnosis
There's been multiple people
(people that I love, admire, respect, like, don't know in person)
have suggested that I have
I've talked to people, read articles, blogs, books, etc,
and I'm just not convinced that this is the issue.
I do believe that it is a real thing though and I fully encourage anyone who thinks that they truly might be depressed to speak with their social worker and doctor about treatment options. This is just a ridiculous stress-relieving post and is not intended to be taken as any form of advice.
UPDATE, JULY 2010: I did say not to take this post seriously and to prove that even I don't take myself seriously here's a post where I really do discuss if I need to bedoped on an antidepressant.
UPDATE, JULY 2010: I did say not to take this post seriously and to prove that even I don't take myself seriously here's a post where I really do discuss if I need to be
I do think that there is some overlap between my diagnosis and PADS, but I believe that they are different conditions.
My diagnosis:
I have Adoption Shock Syndrome.
Yes, folks.
I've got A.S.S.
Let's stop and have a moment of silence for me. Maybe someone would like to organize a walkathon? No? Okay then.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when most of the things that you prepared for start happening and they're happening in your living room right next to your other children when you should be eating dinner and there is just no connection between your heart, your brain, your body, and your mouth and you just stand there like an idiot.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you and your husband have a gigantic fight about the best way to cook a hotdog because you can't justify feeding the kids PB&J again, you don't have the counter space (it's covered with dirty dishes) to cook a real meal, and besides cheese sticks and ChexMix there's nothing that your new child is going to eat anyway.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you alternate whose "turn" it is to leave the house to run errands, have used 'sleeping until 7:00 am' as a betting wage, and/or you keep count of who has changed the most dirty diapers that day.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you use baby gates to shut the kids in the playroom in the morning while you suck down as much coffee as humanly possible, let them watch as much tv as they want in the afternoon, and have a running countdown of the minutes until bedtime from the second you open your eyes.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you smile at the first asinine question you're asked when you're in public as a family because now you can say that you've "been there, done that".
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you put your kid in ugly pajamas on purpose because they make you laugh and your child isn't old enough to distinguish between "laughing at" and "laughing with" you
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you've tried everyway possible to get your child to sleep at bedtime in less than two hours and when it's impossible you just sit there in silence and seethe and hope that everyone who came home with kids at the same time as you is suffering as well (sorry guys!)
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you watch "Jurassic Park" as an inspirational movie because at least you haven't been eaten by a dinosaur yet.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you look for the polite way to answer people who brightly ask, "how's it going?" and come up with things like, "Oh, well....." and "It's definitely a transition"
Adoption Shock Syndrome is what you get when the panic has worn off (at least half the time), but the peace hasn't set in yet. You feel like you've fallen off the cliff, but haven't hit the bottom yet.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you're doing the sniff test to tell if clothes are clean or dirty because they're all on the floor, you're living off 5 Guys for dinner and feeding the kids milk & cereal (ahem), your husband hasn't gone back to work yet, there is no order to your life and you can't imagine that there ever will be again, but you spend the evenings looking at homeschool curriculum.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you can still honestly say that you had no idea that it would be LIKE THIS, no matter how prepared you were, and honestly you're still kind of regretful about the present and mourning the past, but then thoughts of "next time" start sneaking in....
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you're stressed out every minute you're awake, you have freaky dreams while you're asleep and you can't remember WHY you did this, but if someone else insinuates you shouldn't have you get defensive.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you announce to your children "the next person who says 'MamaMamaMama!' is in BIG trouble." And you figure it's okay to tell them that because none of them listen to you anyway.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you're doing the sniff test to tell if clothes are clean or dirty because they're all on the floor, you're living off 5 Guys for dinner and feeding the kids milk & cereal (ahem), your husband hasn't gone back to work yet, there is no order to your life and you can't imagine that there ever will be again, but you spend the evenings looking at homeschool curriculum.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you can still honestly say that you had no idea that it would be LIKE THIS, no matter how prepared you were, and honestly you're still kind of regretful about the present and mourning the past, but then thoughts of "next time" start sneaking in....
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you're stressed out every minute you're awake, you have freaky dreams while you're asleep and you can't remember WHY you did this, but if someone else insinuates you shouldn't have you get defensive.
Adoption Shock Syndrome is when you announce to your children "the next person who says 'MamaMamaMama!' is in BIG trouble." And you figure it's okay to tell them that because none of them listen to you anyway.
I have a lot of A.S.S.
What about the rest of you?
Does anyone else have A.S.S?
What were your symptoms?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
