Whoops, what I meant to say was....

Dear Diary,

Well, today has been super-duper great. I woke up and the birds were singing sweetly outside my window, the sun was shining, the coffee was percolating, and there was a rainbow right. in. my. bedroom. Amazing. It even had that miraculous pot of gold at the bottom so there will never be any money issues at Zehlahlum house. The miracles continued as I came downstairs. That man who walks around knocking on doors and handing out giant checks? He was on my doorstep! Pot of gold AND an oversized check all on the same day! Super-duper! And then do you know what happened next? My children rose up and called me blessed. Even Pickle. I didn't even know he could say blessed! They each very eloquently apologized for being and acting like toddlers/preschoolers. They even agreed to no longer have bodily functions so as to not mar the the tranquility of the air. Little Miss apologized for feeling grief and trauma and not being born of my womb and choosing to have all these so called "attachment problems". I apologized for my grievous error of not being perfect and for experiencing emotion. It was all very touching.

After our family meeting this morning Peanut led us all in a session of restorative yoga while my dear husband went out to start the process of hiring a household staff so that I don't worry about day to day drudgery anymore. I'm going to be freed up to work on more important matters. We've decided that with my experience in negotiating sibling conflicts I'm going to apply that to the Middle East. I fully expect to have peace restored in the next few days. Stay tuned!

I'm also delighted to report that I've received a telegraph from the Lord and I've been alerted to when the Rapture is coming so that I can have all my precious angels bedecked in their finest apparel and waiting at the door. Miss Manners is coming to get lessons from Little Miss. Peanut is going to be inducted into the Best Sleeping Child Hall of Fame. And Pickle has won the coveted Cutest Baby of the Universe trophy. We're all just over the moon.

Really, everything is just coming together beautifully. We're thinking about taking our family on tour as an inspirational singer group.

Hugs and Kisses,

Little Princess Flower

PS. I bet none of you could tell that my parents used to falsely accuse me of having a "smart mouth"! :)

Degrees of Weirdness

Today I got a phone call from my social worker. We did the "hi, how are you?" thing back and forth and then I was expecting her to ask me something that we'd forgotten from our 3 month placement evaluation. Nope. She was actually calling at Holt's request...because apparently they had been reading my blog lately and were "concerned". Because I'm brilliant I deduced that they were not concerned about my goals for the year or my hair related research. Again using my thinking cap I figured that they were "concerned" about this post where I fail to blow sunshine up your skirt about how roses have been falling from the sky since our adoption.

I heard a journalist on a commercial for CNN (maybe?) say something that reminded me of myself and my hard-hitting journalistic blog. Apparently his favorite quote is, "I don't give people hell. I tell them the truth and they think it's hell." Harry Truman apparently is the original source, but you can go ahead and credit me if you want.

So, after some awkward laughter on my part for being "tattled on" to my social worker and knowing that my agency and now my social worker are reading my blog. I started to wonder how Holt found my blog. Clearly, it's public, I get that. I don't care that it was "found". Heck, I'm HAPPY that they're reading it. I recommend that they don't miss this post where I talk about our overall experience. I doubt that they're reading everyone's blog who works with them. I'm pretty sure they have better things to do than that. If not, I have some suggestions where time could be better spent. Sure, someone who works there could just spend their evenings reading adoption blogs, but it seems like that'd be like being a mother by day and then moonlighting as a mother for another family in the evenings. Wouldn't you just want a break? I've come to the conclusion that the most likely way that they found out about my diagnosis and living with it is that one of my fellow Holt families read my blog post and decided without talking to me that they needed to report me to my agency without talking to me. 

I find this to be a little irksome. A) It put me in a weird position and B) if you think I have a problem I just think you should talk to ME about it. If you talk to me about it and you still think I have an unacknowledged issue then you can go and tell mommy talk to my agency. I did have several people who contacted me out of love and concern to see if they could help, if I needed anything, etc. I think that's great. I think it's touching and I love that we can form a community online in that way. I know it wasn't one of those people because I've talked to all of them.

I just want to be very clear. I am completely aware that we have some issues in our house. Not a newsflash to me. I do think that if you've been reading my blog for any length of time you'll realize that we are ACTIVELY working on improving things. We are attending attachment therapy, I am on medication, I am working with our social worker, I am reading books like a maniac to find new ways of coping. I'm not sure what else there is that I can do. Maybe if we had talked about this then you could have given me your ideas because I would have gladly listened.

I also understand that my post was a little dark.That's how I felt. My dear husband informed me that it was a little Slyvia Plath-esque. This blog is absolutely a release valve for me and I've been told by both my social worker and two attachment therapists that it is a healthy release (so there!) and so when I come on here and freak out I need you (whoever you are) to take it as a mom with an attachment challenged child who is also two years old and has a one and three year old sibling and is having a bad day. Maybe it's very bad, but we all have them.

I had a perfectly nice conversation with my social worker. I like my social worker...who now reads my blog. (Hi, social worker!) We talked about the hard time we've been having recently and what we're doing to address it.

ATTENTION TATTLE-TALE READER, I WILL UPDATE YOU ON OUR PROGRESS TOMORROW. REST ASSURED THAT WE  ARE ALL FINE.

The rest of the weirdness happened after my husband got home. We were getting dinner ready and he oh so casually mentions that he got a phone call from Holt (a message since he was at work) making sure that he was aware of my "depression" and that he knew about the things I was posting on my blog.

Really? Are we playing tiptoe around the crazy lady?

I was home all the blessed day long and Holt never tried to get in contact with ME. Maybe they didn't want to push me over the edge, maybe there was just an honest mixup about which phone number was our home number.

It all just weirded me out.

It was a gloomy post, I get it. I do. And, I am giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that whatever actions they took in this weirdo scenario were done with the best of intentions. But really, we're talking about trying to parent a child who is attachment-challenged. I have two other small children. In light of everything that I've got going on I don't think my post was that far out there.

I mean, sure, I'm crazy, don't know what I'm talking about and I need to be handled very delicately like a little princess flower, but besides that

WE. ARE. ALL. FINE.

Goals Defined: 21-30

Here are the first few segments of this: Blah, blah, blah.


21. Have a Family Picture Taken



     * I have to admit that we've never had a real family picture taken.
     * It is time. Now, I just need a great photography who can handle our zaniness and that we can afford

22. Have a Wardrobe That Doesn't Embarrass Me
     * I might just be beyond help here.
     * My prize for reaching my goal weight is a shopping spree, but ugh, I hate shopping and I'm terrible at it. I'd like to not look like a loser, but I don't know if I can do it. It might be too late for me.

23. Date Husband
      * I don't have a goal number, but I'm keeping track.
      * In-home dates: 1 (and counting)
      * Out of the home dates: 4 (and counting)

24. See a Play

25. Leadership Role
     * Well, I had exactly the one that I wanted and then I had to back out because I suck and can't keep my word life has been slightly overwhelming since Little Miss came home and it's as much as I can do to survive the days
     * Maybe a small leadership role?
     * Maybe a leadership role lined up for next year?
     * Maybe I can be the Line Leader in the loony bin once I'm committed

26. Debt-Free
     * Yeep!
     * Bleep!

27. Have a Garden
     * I want to grow food. I'd like to have one of those raised bed gardens, but I'd settle for keeping a few pots of vegetables alive.

28. Play Tourist in DC
     * Man, I want to go see the museums and monuments as a grown up and not a stupid 15 year old
     * I want to tour the White House
     * I want to meet the President!

29. Catch Up My Photo Albums
     * Shutterfly Photo books here I come!

30. Be More Organized
     * Schedules, library books returned on time, systems for stopping clutter, routines, etc, etc, etc.

Our Hair Resources

It's got to be said. I am loving my girl's hair. It is so fun. Her curls just rock. I'm totally jealous. It's still definitely a learning curve and it seems like her hair is growing quickly so I think that my curve is going to be steep for awhile. :)

These are the blogs that I've been using to learn.

Happy Girl Hair. This was my first resource and I love how accessible it is. It really gives off the "you can do it too" vibe. This is definitely my favorite. Sometimes it's a little hard to get around, but it's worth it just to read the entire thing and then you don't have to worry about it. I don't like the Google Ads on there, but really, that's just me being quirky and not a real  issue. Plus, Katie returns my neurotic question emails so what's not to love about that? :)This is my "go to blog" when I'm trying to decide on a product or have a question about something. It would be freaky and stalkerish if anyone knew how much time I actually spent on this site.


Beads, Braids, & Beyond. I found this one from the HGH.  It has great pictures and a lot of step by step instructions. She has some amazing hairstyles on her site. Frankly, they intimidate the hell out of me. :) I do like the step by step by step stuff if I ever get brave enough to try something from her site that would be helpful. I think that HGH is definitely more "educational" though. I'm also really tired of a certain company that is always promoted. I know everyone has their own preferences, but I think it kind of sounds like nice hair styles are not possible without using these products.


Nubian Tresses: The Blog Devoted to Kinky Hair. This is my newest find and a new blog overall (from what I've gathered) and I'm enjoying it so far. It says that it's dedicated to 3c-4c hair types. It's not geared toward children , but it's a quick read, and hey, my daughter isn't going to be little forever!

I know that no one is going to be surprised that I read books about haircare. What might surprise you though is that I've only read one! ONE! I know, I'm disappointed about it too. I present you with the only book that I've read:

I read this back during the time of peace before Little Miss was home. It's a little book and has a very chatty style that is easy to read. It is very informational about caring for natural hair. It was a great great starting place for a clueless white woman like me for having a baseline of knowledge of about Little Miss' hair. She talks about different products, different styles, gives a few recipes for at-home hair products. There's also a directory of salons by state that are good at working with natural hair. The pictures in the big are pretty terrible. Read this as an educational guide about natural hair, but not as a styling guide. It seems to be mostly written for women who are transitioning their hair to natural, but it certainly wasn't exclusive. There is also a resource section that lists some blogs, websites, books, etc.

For a more well-thought out review you can click here for the review by Happy Girl Hair.

Now, these aren't exactly resources, but sorta. These are the books that we've read (or own) about hair that are for children.  (I love my hair is there twice on purpose. We own it twice. One as a board book and one for later.) None of these will probably be new to anyone, but definitely worth a look if you don't have them. Here is my review of Nappy Hair.
















What about the rest of you? What are your favorites books and blogs? Do you know about something that I don't? Share!!