126

Today, I looked at my daughter and cried. It was 4:06 pm. I was in the kitchen. She was in the playroom. I was looking at her. She was not looking at me. I only cried a little. It wasn't sobbing or tears and snot everywhere crying. It was just a little welling up in the eyes crying.

I cried because I realized that I was starting to love my daughter.

There have been multiple occasions over the past couple weeks that I have felt love for my daughter. The first time was August 18th (yes the day before my infamous post).

It took me 111 days to feel a moment's worth of love for my daughter. 111 of the worst days of my life. I talked about this too, but you cannot know how long that is until you've never loved the child in your home. And I know, I know, that there are mamas out there who have gone far past 103 days and still aren't feelin' the love and I just want to say that I am praying for you earnestly. If you ever want an understanding, nonjudgmental person to talk to or email then please contact me. I won't even call your agency!

111 days to FEEL the first glimmer of hope.She was sleeping in her crib. She cried out in her sleep, dreaming I'm sure, of loss I cannot imagine. I went into her room and laid hand on her back to comfort her. I wanted to comfort. I didn't comfort her because I had to, because it was the right thing to do, but because I wanted to. I wanted to take her hurt away, I wanted my touch to bring her comfort. At that moment I felt love for her and I wanted her to feel it from me.

At that time I would not have said that I loved her or that I was growing to love her, but at that moment I loved her and after 103 days that was enough for me. Since then moments are piling up.

(Can we stop for a goofy grin break?)

Moments two and three happened when we were sitting in a rocking chair sharing time together...little songs, books, snuggling, her playing with my hair and poking out pointing out my eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and cheeks, swapping kisses, and explaining that I will be here while she falls asleep, I will be here when she is sleeping, I will be here when she wakes up, and if in-between she needs me? I'll be here then too. Zehlahlum.

After moment three happened I was excited. I knew it was a good sign, but I would not have said that I was starting to love my daughter. I would have said that we were having good moments together, that our work was starting to pay off, that we had a long way to go, but we were on our way together.

I didn't tell anyone about the first two moments. I didn't want to jinx it. I was scared. Some things are too fragile to speak. After the third moment I told my husband. 

The fourth moment was when she was sitting at the table and she looked up at me unprompted and she made a silly sweet face before she could think about doing anything else. Before I could think about feeling anyway else my heart beat out a little love. 

After the fourth moment I told my therapist.

After 126 days I'm telling my blog that I am starting to love my daughter.

I am starting to love my daughter. Finally. It is starting to feel more natural to interact with her, to kiss her, to have her here, to enjoy her. It is not like it is with the boys yet. It's just not. But there have been five moments when it was. She still pushes my buttons, she still makes me madder than any human being I have ever yet encountered and in the shortest amount of time, but we've had five moments.

We've had five moments out of 181,440 minutes. Moments we're not even talking minutes, but I'll take it, happily and with thanksgiving.

Current Favorite Reads

These are our kiddos current favorite books and my favorites for them (at least as much as we can pick a favorite when we read a billion and two books a day per child)

Peanut says that this is his favorite right now. We just checked this one out from the library (did I mention I took all the kids by myself?) and have read it a few times. It's a pretty decent book. It features old-school racecars and has a lot of different things to look at in each picture. It is an alphabet book, but it doesn't point out each letter, it's more subtle. The pages rhyme and each page is alliterative for the letter.









This is one of my favorites to read to Peanut. It is super cute and it's just perfect for little boys. I believe that Andrew found this one when we were Christmas shopping last year. The story is about a little boy who can't sleep and
then goes on an adventure to rescue his best friend, Horsie. The illustrations are
FABULOUS. It's kind of illustrated in a comic book style. It's actually about Dave Letterman's son Harry, but you'd never know that if you didn't read the dedication. There is one picture where you can see a cityscape and can see his studio, which my husband recognized, but I never would have. This is really a great book and would be perfect for a gift.





Little Miss has only had passing interest in books up to this point. She has liked picture books, but not so much story books. Most of our picture books actually were multiple pictures/words on each page. As part of her Early Intervention Therapy we were told to look for books that are one word and one picture per page to help increase her ability to attend to one thing at a time. Anyway... THIS is the first "real" book that she's shown much interest in.


This is obviously a song and so we sing it to her. I don't know if that's why she likes it, but she really does. On the title page it actually shows why the baby is crying in the first place which is a push by the big sister. She picked up on this right away and so we always start by talking about "gentle hands" and then in the end the big sister is the one who gets the baby to hush. Honestly, this has never been one of my favorite lullabies, but I'm changing my opinion about it. The illustrations are very nice and aren't cartoony or goofy. This is a really sweet little book and will probably make an appearance around Christmastime since it's also a library book.
                                                                                                  




This is one of my favorite children's books EVER. I'm not a poetry person, but this book was read to me as a little girl and I just love it. I was on a hunt for it a few years back and one of my sisters was able to remember which one it was and ordered a copy for everyone. Anyway, I've read it to my boys since we got it and now I'm really enjoying reading it to my daughter. The poems are very short, interesting and relevant to little ones and the pictures are cute. I think this is a great way to introduce children to poetry, which is good for their brains! There are several of these poems that Peanut can recite. Actually his reference here to "day time moon" is from a poem in this book.  Here's another good book of poetry that is geared to slightly older children.



Pickle is a book fiend. We were slightly worried for awhile because he wasn't very interested (as much as you can be worried about a baby and reading...) in books. He seemed to hit a turning point several months ago and now he's a little fiend. He loves to be read to and will happily grab book after book and then come running over to you and forcing his way into your lap. He will also listen to surprisingly long books for his age, which I think just comes from tagging along with Peanut.


This is, of course, a classic. Pickle received his copy from his Nana as a gift when we Little Miss came home. He will listen to over and over and over again.
It has definitely become one of his favorites.











For each first Christmas that our kids have with we buy them a "bedtime" book. This was the one that we picked for Pickle. It's a rhyming repetitive text and very relaxing and has subdued pictures of parent and baby animals. Pickle can now fill in the blanks for the name of each animals and makes their sound (even though it's not part of the book). It's a sweet little book and just makes me want to snuggle him.








How about you? What are your kiddos favorite books? What are your favorite books to read to them?

It's me not you

I have to tell some of you: We're breaking up. I might be unfriending you on FB if I don't really know you. By "know you" I mean that if I would drop my kids off at your house for you to babysit them while I run away with Gayla then we can keep on being friends. Otherwise, I'm sorry, it's me, not you.

With all the recent scandal that I've created and some of the things that I'm thinking about I have created a facebook fan page for this website because I know you all like me THAT MUCH. I also signed up for a Twitter account that I have no idea how to use. I don't even know how to tell you how to find me or how to find anyone else. I'm lost out there in....Tweetsville (does it have a name?) and I'm all alone! Find me.

I doubt that this is really much of a change, but I feel like I'm providing my family with a little more privacy, namely my children, and putting one more layer of fog and mystery between me and the creepy stalkers out there. (don't burst my bubble) I've got zero interest in "going private", but suddenly I see the allure of not using my real name. It's too late for that, but I may make a few changes here and there nonetheless. You know, like Blogland Witness Protection (Lite).

I'm excited about my fanpage. It's so much easier to upload pictures to FB than it is to blogger so I will probably be sharing more pictures. You are all welcome there and I would love for it to be a place where it is easier for us to have discussions and share links, etc.

You'll also notice that I took down the blog lists from the side of my blog. I was giving myself a seizure with all the busy-ness on my page. I'm going for a new look that is a little more reflective of the core of who I am. I need it to be a little more simple, but kind of funky, peaceful, but a little surprisng. A little more zen with a side of zoloft. You know, just a little more me. So, if you are, or know someone who does Extreme Blog Makeovers let me know. I want new menus, cute little buttons, stuff I don't even know about it.

PS. I feel like I need to confess that I drank a Coke today. I'm taking all three children to a doctor's appointment with me in the morning and so it was an inoculation against the craziness that will be my morning. I'm going to get my Z increased (SEE ME BE PROACTIVE TATTLE TALE!) I'm sure that after my appointment and seeing my life firsthand crammed into a tiny room full of things that Are Not For Touching my doctor will be more than happy to increase the Z and give me some narcotics, and muscle relaxers, etc. And by the time we leave she'll probably be prescribing them for herself. Such is the terror my children inspire.

Anyone want to babysit?!

11 months to go

In my first full month on my last year before 30 I haven't gotten that much done. I realized that it would have been smarter to make goals like "bake a cheesecake" and "change the sheets on the bed" instead of this whole quest for personal excellence. I'm hoping to make September much more productive. That said, here's my monthly review!

  1. Family Completion:
     * I'm pretty sure there will be another little Zehlahlumite in our future. *Don't listen to my husband. You should see him sweet-face babies at church


 2. Take a Family Vacation: * No real progress made. I did get a Disney World Planning CD. We qualify for the Shades of Green Resort, which looks beyond wonderful. I think we might need something a little more laid back for our first vacation though. We'll see. We'd love to do a beach house. Or a cruise.* 


 3. Be More Green (I'd say I'm lightly toasted right now)
    * Go back to cloth diapers...we paused after Little Miss came home... (Did this! We're actually potty training)
    * Have an eco-friendly laundry routine (We're using vinegar instead of dryer sheets. I tried a natural laundry detergent and was underwhelmed by it.)
   * Use reuseable bags for grocery bags (No progress. At all. Some guilt when grocery shopping, but nothing more productive than that.)
    * Buy hemp shower curtains (Nope. Found some I like though.)
    * Make my own cleaners (Using baking soda to clean the toilets. Contemplating making my own  laundry detergent.)
    * Green-up our hair/body/skin care routines (We're using Oyin Honey Wash on the boys. I was using Bare Minerals and it definitely helped my skin...I have extremely sensitive skin..., but I can't keep that price up.) 






 4. Publish a Book (I'm planning in participating in NaNoWriMo. I will need to preplan soon.)
 



5. Improve My Blog (I've got some stuff in the works.)

 6. Healthier Lifestyle
    * Stop drinking soda at home (Yes, except in emergencies)
    * Increase vegetable consumption (Yes, but a ways to go)
    * Better dental hygiene (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about) (No comment)
    * Lose between 10-20 pounds (I've lost about five pounds)
    * Schedule regular long walks (Nope)
    * Strengthen my knees (per the doctor) before I start to run again (Nope)
    * Create an exercise habit that I can sustain (Nope)
    * Run my 10k (Nada)
    * Take a class in something (Who me?)
    * Have more sex (again, don't act like you're cooler than me!) (Woohoo!)
 7. Skydive (No progress)

8. Advanced Degree? (in cleaning pee out of carpet)

 9. Speak Conversational Spanish (Que?)

10. Take Good Pictures on Purpose (Nope)

11. Spend a Weekend Alone with Husband (Who?)


 12. Political Involvement
    * I am absolutely still trying to figure out how to meet President Obama! (anyone have a hookup?) --(not yet)
    * On the off-chance that that doesn't happen I figured I should have some other goals...
    * I'm going to register to vote in MD (nope)
    * I'm going to stop watching Matt Lauer the Today Show and start watching CNN. (Hey, I'm doing this!)
    * I'm going to pick a cause or two and work for good (nope)
    * I'm going to learn how to use Google Reader and make it find me political news (I do this too!)
    * I'm going to write a letter to Obama (anyone have nice stationary?) --(I'm waiting til I learn cursive...)

13. Publish an Article
    * I have one I'm trying to get published. I've gotten two very nice (but still) rejection letters. I'll try and find somewhere else to send that one. (I'm getting this re-edited)
    * I'll write another article and start trying to get it published (nope)



 14. Read the Bible Entirely (I am I think one day behind, but I'm enjoying it!)
    * Pretty straightforward. I have a Daily Bible that is in chronological order. It is bugging me that it is dated and so my dates don't line up since for someone reason they didn't start the year on my birthday. I'm going to have to retype a reading schedule to make sure that I'm on the right track. I really wish that today's page didn't say January 8th for instance though. It makes me crazy. (Hi, my name is Jamey and I'm easily distracted.)
 
 15. Have a pet (still holding strong with "NO!")

16. Memorize 12 Bible Verses (I need to get a better system for reviewing these. I want to do it like this, but I can't find an index card box. Seriously. And that's enough to make me not start. Seriously. So far I've got Galatians 5:22, Psalm 19:44, and Philippians 1:9-11. I've also learned the two that I taught Peanut: 1 Corinthians 13:4a, Philippians 4:13, but I'm not counting those. :) 

17. Volunteer Regularly (So lame, I am so lame)
    * Honestly, I can't handle much more responsibility on a regular basis. I feel kind of lame saying that and reneging on a few commitments, but I just can't do it. I was hoping to do something more involved, but maybe next year. For this year I'm looking for low-key ways to help.
    * Play at Free Rice Let's face it, I'm on the computer a lot. I can spend fifteen minutes playing a game! (2150 grains of rice so far)
    * Give Blood. I used to do this fairly often, but then I was pregnant/breastfeeding/pregnant/breastfeeding. Now thank the sweet baby Jesus I am neither of those things. Even though I did just hear that I might be ineligible for an entire year because of traveling to Ethiopia. Sigh. I'll check it out.
    * Donate to a food bank
    * Still looking for other ideas. Any suggestions?

18. Take A Class (I'll be taking Toddler-Proofing Your Sliding Glass Door 101)
    * Surely there's something left in the world that I can learn :)

19. Know More About the World
    * Memorize all the countries in Africa (names/location) (Uh, Ethiopia...)
    * Read more in-depth news from a few countries that I'll pick (so far, I'm reading general world headlines via Google Reader)
    * It's always a book list with me, right? Here's my picks: Cafe Europa, Born in Blood and Fire, Africa, and whatever else or instead that I pick up along the way. (I've started Blood and Fire)

20. Read Biographies
    * Hospital by the River, No Ordinary Time, A Long Way Gone, Mayada, Blood River
    * I may read these, may read some others, always taking suggestions (Not yet)

21. Have a Family Picture Taken (Woohoo, I had an offer from Tonggu Momma to do some pictures for us. Be jealous. I will happily force her to follow-through.)
     * I have to admit that we've never had a real family picture taken.
     * It is time. Now, I just need a great photography who can handle our zaniness and that we can afford

22. Have a Wardrobe That Doesn't Embarrass Me ("Uncle!")
     * I might just be beyond help here.
     * My prize for reaching my goal weight is a shopping spree, but ugh, I hate shopping and I'm terrible at it. I'd like to not look like a loser, but I don't know if I can do it. It might be too late for me.

23. Date Husband (Does attachment therapy count?)
      * I don't have a goal number, but I'm keeping track.
      * In-home dates: 1 (and counting)
      * Out of the home dates: 4 (and counting)

24. See a Play (ha!)

25. Leadership Role (man, I suck!)
     * Well, I had exactly the one that I wanted and then I had to back out because I suck and can't keep my word life has been slightly overwhelming since Little Miss came home and it's as much as I can do to survive the days
     * Maybe a small leadership role?
     * Maybe a leadership role lined up for next year?
     * Maybe I can be the Line Leader in the loony bin once I'm committed

26. Debt-Free (I repeat: yeep and bleep!)
     * Yeep!
     * Bleep!

27. Have a Garden (sigh)
     * I want to grow food. I'd like to have one of those raised bed gardens, but I'd settle for keeping a few pots of vegetables alive.

28. Play Tourist in DC (Nope)
     * Man, I want to go see the museums and monuments as a grown up and not a stupid 15 year old
     * I want to tour the White House
     * I want to meet the President!

29. Catch Up My Photo Albums (are you seeing a theme here? No progress.)
     * Shutterfly Photo books here I come!

30. Be More Organized (Organized Shmorganized)
     * Schedules, library books returned on time, systems for stopping clutter, routines, etc, etc, etc. (Okay, I DID make a little "Helping Hands" can for Peanut with chores/tasks on it. It looks crappy as my craft projects tend to look, but luckily he's not too critical. He likes the "clippies". Please ignore my rotten handwriting.

Parenting Fail

I am interrupting your intended post about my 30 by 30 by 30 update to bring you the Exploits of Peanut.

This morning while I was sleeping (oh, the guilt) and my husband was out running my son woke up. He decided that he should go get the mail and then find his dad.

He was wearing pajamas: a shirt and red underpants. He put on his tennis shoes. He got a chair and pushed it over to the counter. He climbed on top of it. He got the keys off the hook above the counter.

He went into the playroom. He got a chair. He climbed on top of the chair. He lifted the bar that locks the sliding door. He went outside. He tried to open the van door, but it was too heavy. So he walked.

He saw the "day-time moon". He walked on the sidewalk. He looked both ways and didn't see a car. He crossed the street. He walked some more. He fell on his bottom, "but didn't get hurt". He crossed another street. He walked on the sidewalk. He arrived at the mailboxes. Even though he had the key he wasn't tall enough to reach. Let's all remember that he is only wearing a t-shirt, undies, and shoes.

At the mailbox two men running saw him and thought, "hey, maybe this 3 year old shouldn't be out here by himself at 6 am". They said, "Hi. Where did you come from?" My son replied. "I'm getting the mail and then going to run with my dad." They didn't think that was a good idea. They said, "Where do you live?" My son replied, "In the house by the park".

They followed him as he showed them the way to his house. This time there was a car "making it's engine roar" coming down the street. They helped him cross the street two times. He showed him which house was ours. He told them that his dad "would be done soon". They sat on the porch with him until Andrew ran back to the house. Andrew brought Peanut back inside where he belongs.

When he rolled over in bed last night and whispered "snuggle me momma" could have been the last time that I saw my son. I think about what could have happened and I cannot breath. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or scream. And so I blog.

Oyin Handmade

So far Oyin Handmade is my favorite hair product line that I have found for Little Miss.

I am using their shampoo: Head-to-Toe Honey Wash and it's just simply freaking fabulous. I started out only co-washing her hair, but as a two year old she gets dirty and I felt like she needed a shampoo as well. Her hair can be a little on the dry side and so I was worried about drying it out with shampoo, but we don't have that problem AT ALL. Her curls look and feel even better on the days that we shampoo. It lathers easily and I don't need a lot to wash her hair. It has a pleasant and light scent. It just smells sweet and natural and fresh. I love it. We also use it as a body wash. And in case you aren't understanding how much I love this stuff I use it on the boys for their hair and skin too. Oh, and sometimes I steal it and use it in my bathroom as well.

It comes in several flavors, but I've just used the honey because I'm clearly in love with it. If I were to try another scent I would choose the Black Cedar. I'm extremely anti "fruity" scents so I really like that of the four scents for this shampoo only one is a fruit.

The first time I bought it (and then forgot it at my mother's house) I paid $9.00 for 8 ounces from CurlMart. When I went back to repurchase it I wanted the bigger 16 ounce size, which they did not have in stock. I went to the creator's website. I paid $17.00 for 16 ounces which I think is a very good price as well considering how long it lasts and the price of comparable products. I was a little concerned when I ordered it because it has rosemary extract in it and I do NOT like that smell since I've experienced it in other products (anyone know why it's in them?), but I couldn't smell it in the shampoo so hooray!

Since I was shopping off the Oyin website and since I like their shampoo so much that I want to marry it (sorry, flashbacks to elementary school) I decided I should try a few others thing as well.

I decided on the 4-piece sampler. I paid $17.50 for it which is sort of a lot just to try things, but I did get four different products and the sample amounts are substantial! I've had ours for over a month now and I still have plenty of product in all of them. So they're not in the least skimpy.

Honey Hemp Conditioner: Of the four samples this was the one that I was the least excited about, but I really like it. I will buy more of this when our sample is gone. I was using before (and still am using) Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose Conditioner and so I wasn't really looking for something else. I like both of them and will probably continue to use them both for different things. I use the the Aubrey Organics on the days that I just co-wash. I heard that they honey/hemp combination is really good for moisturizing when it's allowed to stay on the hair. So, on the evenings that I shampoo I put this conditioner on and leave it on overnight. I rinse it out in the morning and then style her hair while it's wet. So far it's working for us.

Greg Juice Leave-In Spray: I wanted to try this product as well since Peanut's "adventure" left me in need of a new spray product. I like this pretty well. I think for the length of hair that she has it's not a necessity. Even though now that's I've said that I think I would be sad without it. At $11 for 8 ounces it comes down to $1.375 an ounce. Curly Cake Shake which is $19.50 for 8 ounces and comes down to 2.4375 an ounce. The products aren't exactly the same thing, but they're the closest equivalents I've used and they are similar. I prefer the smell of the Greg Juice and the price, by far! The Greg Juice is substantially lighter than the Curly Cake Shake which is more lotion-y. I do not think that I could detangle with Juice even with her short hair, it's just too coily. (I could be doing it wrong though.) When we had the Shake we weren't combing her hair, but I do think that I could detangle with it. I also think that the Shake gave her curls a little more spring than the Juice. The Juice is easier to use because it actually comes out in a mist as opposed to the jet stream of the Shake. We keep the Juice downstairs by my purse. :) We use it to complete our "emergency hair kit" (the Juice, a comb and a few rubberbands) that I keep in my purse. When she pulls her bands out in the carseat we don't have to walk around looking like fools now.

Shine & Define-Gentle Styling Serum: This is my least favorite of all of them. There's nothing "wrong" with it. I just don't see any difference between this and using shea butter. Again, if she had longer hair or we were doing more styles I might feel differently about it. I'd certainly be willing to try it later when her hair was longer, but for now I don't think it's something we need. I do like the texture. It's very creamy and easy to work with and maybe if we were doing braids or twists then I think that would be a nice product.

Whipped Pudding: This was the product that I really wanted to try. It's shea butter based, but is much creamier and light than even whipped shea butter. It has a light scent, but nothing that I've found that lingers. I use this pretty regularly on her hair. I put it on while her hair is wet and also use extra little dabs to smooth out our sections. It says that it can be used on skin, but I haven't done that yet. (We use the Honey Wash on her skin and then coconut oil when she's out of the tub.  Beyond that she hardly needs any lotion. If I notice that she's starting to look a little dry I'm using California Baby, but only like once a week.) In the winter when her skin is drier I think this would be LUSCIOUS on skin. It says on the ingredients that is has castor oil in it, which sounds kind of strange, but I have no idea if it's actually good for skin/hair yet. I should check into that, but I hope it's okay because I like this product.

Clearly, I highly recommend these products. I would say to buy an 8 ounce bottle of the Honey Wash to start with and definitely try the 4 Pack Sampler. You will be glad you did!

I do have some pictures of not using Oyin and then using Oyin, but they're on the other computer so they'll have to wait a little bit. 

Who knows

I've been trying to think of what to say over the last few days. I apologize for the dearth of posts. I have been working on posts and it's just not coming. I'm not sure what the block has been. I know it's partially due to our recent situation, but I think the rest of it has just been a struggle to put into words. I am trying to work on a post about our progress, but gah, it's hard.

You can only know what this is like if you've lived it or are currently living it. You can't know unless it's part of your story. You just can't. You can choose to empathize, sympathize, or judge, but you can't know.

When you are engaged and thinking about your soon to be husband (wife) you think that you can NEVER love them any more than you do right then. And you're wrong. You will love them more over time. You just don't know until you're married and living it.

Before you have a child you think that you can imagine how much you will love them. You think you know the sacrifice that it will take to raise them. And you're wrong. You will love them more than you ever imagined and you will sacrifice more than you ever dreamed of. You just don't know the depth of love and sacrifice until you live it, until you hold that child.

When I talk about parenting an attachment challenged child you can't know what it's like until you're doing it. You can read the books and imagine what it might be like, but you just can't know. You can't know the pain that rips through your heart when your child would happily leap from your arms to a stranger until it's ripping through your own heart. You can't know the inner struggle when a child who was moments before screaming and spitting at you suddenly wants to be held and tries to crawl inside your body only to revert to tantrums two minutes later and back and forth all day. You can think that you know, but until it's your child, you just can't know.

And this goes on and on and on. I don't know why we insist on judging people. My family doesn't act like and look like your family. Why does one of us have to be "right"? Why do we keep whispering and spreading rumors about people? Whether on the internet, by phone, or in person? Why do we have to separate ourselves  like that?

The list of things that I don't know about it is long. I don't know what it's like to be divorced. Can I try to imagine the causes and the pain and what could have been done to prevent it? Sure. I don't know what it's like to parent a child who has significant special needs. Can I think about what I would do, how I would react, the services that I would get for my child? Yes. I don't know what it's like to experience the death of a child or a spouse. I don't know what it's like to have an adoption disrupt, I don't know what it's like to have an addiction or live with someone that does. I don't know what it's like to not know where my next meal is coming from or to be homeless. I don't know what it's like to be paralyzed or to live with a chronic illness. I can imagine myself in each of those situations and what I would do.

But that doesn't count for squat. I have no business judging someone until I have been where they are. And since I cannot be someone else that means that I have no business judging someone. Ever. Never. Ever. We are never called to judge. We are called to love.

Let's all just lay off, huh?