Home School Zehlahlum Style

Have you heard of that great preschool activity where your kids write letters in shaving cream?

I've seen it lots of places and always thought that it looked so fun.

I wanted to try it with my kids and so one day I said to myself,

"Self, go steal your husband's shaving cream, sit those kiddos at the table, put on some music, and practice those homeschool skills that you say you want to develop."

And so I did!

I put shaving cream on cookies sheets and showed them how to draw/make letters.

Pickle wasn't that into it so he only played for a minute 

and then went back to crashing trucks into the wall.

Peanut and Little Miss had a really good time though.

In fact, they, uhm, "excelled" (?!) at it. They took it to another level.

They are clearly MUCH smarter than all those other kids

(that's what it is, right?)

because my kids weren't content just with making pictures, no no no.

ANY CHILD can smear some shaving cream around a cookie sheet,

but it takes my little artists...

to turn shaving cream into living sculptures!

 

And now people can see exactly why I don't answer my phone during the day.

This is what happens. 

PS. Peanut and Little Miss would like to let you know that shaving cream stings if you get it in your eyes and that if you get said shaving cream in your eyes because you are screaming while your mother tries to wash shaving cream out of your hair and you're refusing to hold still then you probably won't get much sympathy.

And again

Hot damn, folks. Another good day. There was more attitude and crying today, but somehow it wasn't catastrophic. I'm still not saying that it means anything except a respite for my sanity, but even if that's all them I will take it. Except no, that's not "all" it is. I think that anyone who has had to fight for attachment would tell you that a good day is more than just a pleasant little thing that you come to expect because expectations hurt the most so you learn not to. So when you're not expecting it and you've learned that you can't force it and then you have a good day and then another one right behind it, what that is isn't just another homemade apple pie in your happy little life. It is 1. Surprising as all get out 2. A memory that you save to cover your heart with on the next hard night because you know there will be another no matter what you thought before, 3. It's hope. Sweet hope and the promise of possibilities.

I've been hit!

This is actually the third time that I've changed my post today. First it was going to be another travel post, but my brain just wasn't there and then it was supposed to be something else, but again my brain pooped out on me. You will find that this is a completely brain-free post. I should have saved it for my Diet Zehlahlum Saturday, but you can have it today because I have some really funny pictures for me tomorrow.

I was tagged to play along in a meme by Tonggu Momma. She stated in her post that she tagged me because I owe her since I mentioned that she sometimes doubles as my domestic help. Personally, and obviously I would know her motives better than she does, I think she tagged me because she's just desperate to hear my inane point of view on things since we're way behind on dishes coffee dates. Either way, I'm conceding to her and so here is my meme. Stick around to the end to see if I target choose you to play along with me!

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I think, unfortunately, I have a lot of peeves. Sounds like a personal problem, right? In my own defense, I'm really good at compartmentalizing most things and when you combine that with my short attention span and really good ability to dissociate mentally take myself away and stop paying attention it means that even my big pet peeves don't normally cause me problems. A partial list of peeves is: children without manners, store clerks/cashiers that are rude, I hate the sound of bathroom fans, I don't like the way turtlenecks feel, and I can't stand having to be still. I'm kinda like a shark that way...chomp chomp chomp...


2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Well, if I could have every ideal all rolled into one...I would live on a small farm with no functionality, but I'd keep a few animals that suit my fancy. The farm would actually be inside of a big city with small town amounts of traffic, it would be a very diverse area and within about an hour of my parents' house and there would be an intense need for people with my husband's skill set.

But really, I'm going to go with the standard military answer here. I'm "home" when I'm with my family. There are good and bad things everywhere that we've ever lived. The scale might be slightly skewed one way or another sometimes, but you just make it work.

3. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

Nope. I am way too lame for anything like that. There was a very thorough pat-down in the Dubai airport though. :)

4. What is the one thing on your mind right now?

IS THAT CHILD EVER GOING TO FALL ASLEEP?!

5. Favorite song right now?

My most recent favorite is "Stutter" by Maroon 5. 


6. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could sing, I really really do. I LOVE to sing and I have less than zero ability. Sad face for me and super sad face for anyone who gets stuck listening to me. Luckily so far my kids don't realize how terrible I am and so I sing a lot during the day. In fact, now that I have a fancy new iPod touch I often accidentally start dancing because the music is pumped straight into my brain and (I LOVE IT) I can't help myself. The only thing that I'm worse at than singing would be dancing. It's a fairly horrific experience for bystanders.

7. Favorite drink?

What's the situation? Well, we've got coffee, coke, cranberry and vodka, and mudslides. They each have a beautiful time and place in my life. :)


8. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Meek? Graceful? Level-headed? Genius? Ridiculous? Crazy? Wait, none of those are right.

How about...

Stumped?

Because I have no idea. How would you describe me in one word?

Now, for the really fun part! I get to tag eight other people to play along. And Tonggu Momma? My debt is paid! :)

I pick:

1. Chrissy: Because of course
2. Katy: Again, of course
3. Megan: And one more of course
4. Tamara: Travel buddy
5. Shonda: Travel buddy
6. Rachel: Known her forever
7. MRK:  Because she always leaves me comments and messages and I never respond, but she keeps being nice to me anyway
8. Corey: Because I don't know you, but I think we'd be friends if we knew each other :)

Five Months

If you want to read this post,

please lean closer to your screen

(you probably already are)

because I'm afraid to type any bigger than this.

I'm hesitant to say this as it is

because ain't no one fickle

like my daughter is fickle.

We had a good day today.

There were fits, tears, and screaming.

Sure. 

Nothing extra-specially good happened.

Nope.

My husband worked late and then had a meeting.

It was basically me from wake-up to good night,

but it wasn't a big deal. 

I didn't mind.

It just felt like family.

We just felt like a family.

It was routine.

It was us.

It was us plus Little Miss

just like we wanted the whole time. 

Five months to the day that we came home.

And we had a day that was what we expected.

Today was a calming balm on what has been my lately savaged soul.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

I know that one noticeable step forward often means three steps back

and then we creep along to make up our distance lost.

I wouldn't say that a "corner was turned"

or anything like that,

but today was nice.

And no matter what happens tomorrow

I am grateful for today.

(but I'm still typing tiny because I don't want to jinx anything)

Book Review: Homepreschool and Beyond

Backstory: I am interested in homeschooling the kiddos and plan on using preschool as a practice to see how we do. I have a few concerns about certain things that maybe won't let it work out for us, but I do want to.

Why: I saw this on a blog and wish that I could give credit to whoever it was, but alas, I don't remember. After seeing  blurb about the book I had to check out her website and after spending an hour...or so... I just decided to order it because I've said many times that "I either need to run my house like a preschool or like a prison" and really the choice seems obvious!
However, I tend to throw myself into Programs very seriously and then when it doesn't work out perfectly immediately decide that the Program doesn't know sh*t and go back to my own way of doing nothing things and I knew that this wasn't a method to follow so it seemed like a good fit.

Misc. Information: I don't think I have any miscellaneous information for you today.

Overview: The book is decided into five sections: The Basics, All About Books, Skills, Games and Play, and then Curriculum and Methods.There is also a series of appendices. Each section has a ton of useful information in it. I liked the importance that she placed on teaching (both character and academics) through your every day parenting. She also highly stresses routines and reading aloud, which is even something that I've slightly slacked off on lately. She does include skill lists for family and life skills, spiritual development, speech and listening, cognition and memory, pre-reading and pre-writing, early math, physical development, science, social studies, music, arts and crafts, and holidays and traditions. She is careful to say that she is not in favor of turning these precious years into a "to-do list", but more of a guide and idea list of things that you can be working toward with your child at a fun and natural pace. She devotes a little space to kindergarten and really says that it can and should be just an extension of preschool. She tells you easy ways to stretch your preschool curriculum into kindergarten.

Pros: This book was an easy read and stuffed with useful information.It's an extremely comprehensive guide and had a lot of good ideas that I plan on implementing asap with my kiddos. I really appreciated all the different areas of development were separated out and specific ways to work on each. I also really enjoyed the positive vibe of this book and the message was really "slow down and enjoy your child" it was very upbeat and welcome to me right now. I always enjoy a good booklist as well and she has multiple booklists divided by age and topic. The section about curriculum wasn't as intensive, but she does give a brief overview of different types and some of the most popular curriculum in those categories. She is not a fan of the classical approach especially for young children. I really like how she said that she thought developmentally public schools were expecting too much of young children and not enough of older children that really resonated with me.

Cons: Sometimes she came off a little too Christian-y for my tastes. It was never "REPENT OR YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!" and it wasn't even that there were references all over the place, but they were definitely there enough to get my attention mostly they were related to character development. It doesn't bother me as I share many of her beliefs and priorities and so I appreciated the thoughts and ideas. The only thing that slightly bothered me was when she recommended the science of Creationism. For the sake of too much clarity: I absolutely believe that God is the creator of life and is the power behind creation. It's just that the phrase "science of creationism" makes me a little antsy. I think that a little more information for the "Beyond" preschool ages would have been helpful since that is part of the title, but really, a lot of the habits will apply and I only have preschoolers, so not a problem for me. However, if your kids are older than probably 6 I don't see this as being useful to you.

Score: 5 out of 5, there were some cons to the book, but they are FAR outweighed by the great content and usefulness of this book. This will definitely be a go-to reference for me for years to come.

LoL/LoL: Last Round of Introduction

Welcome to my blog series! Please come in and sit down, ignore your kids, have a cup of coffee and laugh at my life. I'm excited to bring you:

Lots of Littles/Lots of Laughs

 For more LoL/Lol check out Diary of a Zookeeper by my friend Katy. We're planning/hoping to have a few more mamas join in with us as their lives settle down a little bit because misery loves company the more the merrier!

 

This will be our last round of introduction type questions. I'd like to say that we're doing this one more time just so that we can have a thorough understanding of each other, but the truth is we're just doing because my brain has been so scrambled this week and I didn't get a "real" topic put together! In fact, the questions in this round aren't even mine. I snitched them right out of a Good Housekeeping Magazine interview that I read. I am nothing but crazy classy.

1. If you weren't a SAHM what do you think you'd miss the most?
     I'd miss the hysterical things that Peanut says, I'd miss seeing Pickle and Little Miss talking to each other in baby-speak and being sweet, I'd miss seeing Peanut "read" to the babies. I'd miss the little things that aren't really anything, but make it all worthwhile. 
    
2. Do you have a favorite family ritual?
     I really enjoy our Birthday Festival celebrations.

3. Are you the only cook in your house?
     I am not. I'd say that I do the bulk of the cooking, but there are lots of things that Andrew cooks and it's probably pretty close to a 60-40 split. Andrew does our grilling and most of our "breakfast for dinner" nights. He makes great pancakes, french toast, and bacon. He also makes stir fry for us. Woks scare me.

4. Are you a good housekeeper?
     Nope.

5. What do you and your husband do for couple time?
     We have some games on the Wii that we like to play together, we watch The Office together religiously. We're not doing the following things very often because they require a babysitter, but we like eating out and seeing movies (a very rare treat for us), wandering the bookstore together, and going to zoos and museums and such. We're going to try and start having a "cooking date" after the kids go bed and make ourselves some fancy food.

6. What's the one parenting rule that you never break?
     I'm pretty hardcore about my kids getting enough sleep. We rarely rarely miss naptime or bedtimes and we put our kids to bed early! The babies are taken upstairs around 6:30 and are in bed by 7. Peanut is kind of in a weird transition of not having a nap/or needing a later bedtime stage, but he's still almost always in bed by 8. I've read a lot about the damages of sleep deprivation and though I don't follow my own advice the kiddos do. :)

7. What do you want your kiddos to grow up knowing?
     AHEM! *clears throat* "Listen baby, ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough baby, if you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far, don't worry baby, just call my name I'll be there in a hurry, you don't have to worry, cause baby ain't no...." You with me?

8. What role does faith play in your life?
     Faith is very important to me. I absolutely believe in a God who loves us, calls us, forgives us, redeems us, and brings us home to Him. I believe that faith is about relationships primarily our relationship to God and then letting that relationship overflow our hearts until that "simple" act of love would change the world.

9. What's the most important item in your home?
     On a day to day basis the item I would probably feel most lost without is my laptop. Sad, but true. It keeps me connected to my friends and family, I use it for my writing, it has my pictures on it, my music. Now, emotional importance is another matter. We don't have things of any great value, but I have some Christmas ornaments that were my great great grandmothers' and some from my parents' first Christmas together. My photo albums are very important to me. Everytime I go "home" I take something from my parents' house that reminds me of home and I steal it (just saying it true) and bring it to my house where it makes me happy. :) Truthfully though, I'm better at compartmentalizing than being sentimental about things.

10. Are there any more kids in your future?
     I really hope so. I'd like to have one more daughter.

11. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
     I'd love to have a little house without any white walls and be out of the military, settled down. I'd like to have all FOUR of my kids and be well-settled into our life. I'd like to be homeschooling and writing the third novel of my (best-selling?) trilogy. And that might be a good time for us to have a puppy.


Please, don't forget to play along! Link your blogs to ours and leave a comment so we can find our way to you, answer in my comment section. Enhance my feeling of community!

Love never fails

Upon re-reading this post, I've found that it's kind of rambling so consider yourself warned.

I've had some people ask me what makes me keep going with Little Miss. People who know my heart and therefore know how close we were to disrupting this adoption have asked me what turned the tide. And I've asked God again and again and still, "Why can't I just quit?" 

And despite the fact that God never answered this plea that I started in Ethiopia he did answer this question, as chicken-hearted as it was/is. Every time I asked Him whether in tears, desperation, or anger, Why can't I just quit?" 

This is what He told me.

"Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:8--for the record, God didn't "say" the reference to me, I had to look that up on my own and no, I don't actually hear him. No one turn me in...)

I am not trying to minimize the tragedy and trauma that disrupting would have brought to Little Miss. It would have been horrific. I'm just trying to express what was going on in my heart then. It will be inadequate, but I'm doing my best.

And just being real ('cause that's kind of my thing) I'll tell you that's NOT what I wanted to hear. What I wanted to hear from God was, "oh, poor baby, you're right this is not going to work out, go ahead and disrupt". And he just would.not.say.it to me. Very annoying. I crossed that off because I don't think that nice Christian girls don't call God annoying...

I also feel compelled to say again that I do not judge anyone who chooses to disrupt or re-home a child. I do not. My experience with Little Miss is barely the tip of the iceberg compared to what some of these mommas face down daily. I cannot imagine your pain or your strength. So to anyone who wants to say, "I would NEVER do that" well, you can take your head and shove it up your (ahem) and then when you're done with that and washed yourself off you should go find a momma to a child with RAD and give her a hug and ask how you can help.

So, hopping off my soapbox and heading back into my own story.

I wanted out, or rather I wanted Little Miss out. Ugly, but true. I wanted the adoption undone with all my being...except for that one part of my spirit that was listening to God. And that one tiny part of me forced the rest of my whiny, angry, emotionally empty, and uncooperative self into submission.

Something that I consider central to who I am is that I listen to myself, no matter what, no matter who thinks I'm crazy. I don't mind changing my mind, I'm not particularly smart, and not all/many of my decisions are fact-based. I know what I feel, I feel it deeply, I believe in it and I am honest to it. The best way I've heard it described is "intuitive and free-spirited". The worst way I've heard it described is "selfish and illogical".

I could not disrupt our adoption because God would not let go of that piece of my heart, I couldn't stop hearing "Love never fails" and know that it was meant for me, now. It wouldn't have been honest, it wouldn't have been true to myself, and it wasn't what God wanted for us. That meant that I had to say no, no matter how badly (I thought) I wanted it.

I wanted to quit. It hurt every second of every day and I really thought that I was going to collapse under it. But God's message to me "Love never fails" would not leave me alone. It got to the point that I did not find it uplifting or inspirational or anything nice like that. It was just a drag because no matter how nicely God was couching it he was telling me "No. No. No. No." And then I would think curse words. I was getting His message everywhere. It was in blogs I was reading and more than just the one I linked to, music I was listening to, people that I was talking, and even in my own devotion readings. Again, with the annoying.

It wasn't the message that I wanted to hear. It was a message that I wanted to take to heart. I tried to talk myself out of it. I'd be like "Well, it means that GOD'S love never fails, mine...not so much and that no matter what I do that God will still love me." And God said, "You're half right, numbskull." (Because God and I are tight and we talk to each other like that) God would have loved me no matter what choice I had made, but I couldn't talk myself, all of myself, into the disruption. I just couldn't do it.

I would like to end this post with a happy little tale of how it's all better now. The problem is that I still don't have one. I just don't. Yes, we're doing better. Yes, the number five has finally crept up to number seven, but it's taken another full month, which objectively, is faster than we got to the first two. However, I mean, really, this is not what we were hoping for and surely, if you're in the process of adopting you're not sitting there nodding your head and saying, "Yes, I hope our adoption can be just like Zehlahlum Family's. I've always wanted to be crazy as a loon."

I don't want to scare anyone away from adopting. I don't. I want you to think seriously about it. There are serious ethical issues and there are serious emotional issues and they could be yours or your child's or both. I would caution you though, just don't be let yourself be unprepared because you hope it's neither. We are one of the faces of adoption. We are not the poster child for adoption, we're not. On the other hand, we're not counted among the hardest cases either. Don't write our story off as "worst case scenario" or even as "really really bad" because we're not. We're struggling. We're hurting. But truly, we're still within the pool of 'normal' (my attachment therapist says so). We might be dipping our toes outside of our pool into your pool of "good" or "bad" adoption situations, but overall, we are just normal. We are a typical adoption.

Could you do it? If you couldn't face it, if you couldn't live this then maybe adoption isn't for you. It is not for everyone, not every Christian, nope nope nope. Spare me. Gag me with a spoon. Nonsense. Find another way to support adoption, no judgment here. Of course, most people are capable of doing way more than they think, so even if you think "I couldn't do that" maybe you shouldn't rule yourself out completely. And call me crazy (if you're not doing so already), but I want to adopt again...eventually...probably! :)

But, despite that, we're still plodding along making memories and mistakes along the way. I'm happy that you're here reading along.