Not a total flake

I am not a total flake. I do have a few good ideas, every now and then, just frequently enough to keep me from throwing myself or anyone else off a very tall building. Legally speaking I'm sure that's a good thing, although I have to say I think there would be some emotional satisfaction in that, at least temporarily. Here are a few of those things.  They work for me and my kids more often than not, but not always...which is our standard. It's not high, but it's ours.


1. Just say "boo!" (or sometimes hi)
     Sometimes my kids ('specially the attachment challenged one)  are reluctant to make eye contact when I'm trying to talk to them. So, I wait and wait and wait and then I finally see those little peepers! And truly at this point I just want to say what I wanted to say so that I can move on and do something else. But if I actually try to start talking at this point then they're just going to look away and potentially flop onto the floor and then I might as well just settle in for the night. And so when I finally see that they're making eye contact I say, "boo!" or sometimes "Hi" and I smile. And it throws them off track because apparently they still think there is a possibility that I'm going to devour them headfirst if they look at me and then when I just say something totally innocuous it crosses off that initial freak out and we're able to proceed with a minimum of drama.

2. Say What They Say
      We don't leave Boohoo's door completely open at naptime or bedtime. Her preference is for the door to be totally open, but if we leave it open she can see directly into the boys' room and can see Pickle in his bed and they just shout at each other. I can't move Pickle's bed because I need to be able to see into his room from my room so that I can make sure he's not climbing out of his bed. So we prop Boohoo's door partially open and every time she would start to cry that she wanted the door open. I would point out, "It is a little bit open and a little bit closed" and I would pop my head in and out of her room thus demonstrating my point. She didn't care because all she heard was the last thing that I said, "closed".  And then one night my latent genius came out and I said, I'm sure with total grace and no frustration, "Look! It's a little bit closed and a little bit open!" And she stopped crying and laid down and was quiet because the last thing she heard was OPEN. And hallelujah there was peace in the kingdom and sure, we still go through the drama--every single nap and bedtime-- and that's super annoying, but at least we're understanding each other and not fighting about it and she feels heard.

3. Roomtime Transitions
     I think that most parents experience the frustration that is coming home after being away from home with small kids. It's CHAOS here. They fight, everyone needs something, wants something, and they whine and fight and are constantly underfoot.  My kids go nuts when we come back home. They're easily overwhelmed by all the stimulation that is a store/running errands and then carrying stuff inside and then all the choices that are in our house, and they've got all this stress to expend and when left to their own devices they self-combust while I try to simultaneously put out all their fires. Now? I eliminate their victims and their choices. Peanut and Boohoo each go to their room to play and Pickle stays in the playroom. It is working SO well. They do a great job of playing in their room for 20-30 minutes! They play with the quiet toys in their room, they listen to music/audiobooks, and without even realizing it they're self-regulating! I'm self-regulating during this time too, the difference is that I know it.

That's all I've got three little ideas that are helping me out. Maybe they'll help you! Maybe you have an idea to help me! Let's hear it.

Fear

Sometimes I think that the reason that I don't do things that I say I want to do is because of fear.

Not fear of failure, although I think that's mixed in there a bit too.

Mostly, I think it's a fear of success. Maybe it's a fear of future failure? I don't know.

Is that weird or what?

But I worry that if I publish a novel....I'll have to write another novel, a better one.

I worry that if I get my life organized...I'll have to keep it organized.

I worry that if I uncover my healthy self...I'll have to stay healthy.

I worry that if I start any of the programs that I toss around in my head...I'll have to run them.

What if I become good at something or famous for something or rich because of something (even within my own small world) and I don't know how to give the glory to God? What if I can't maintain it? What if it changes me? What if I'm really not a screw up? What if I'm really not this person who can't get it together? What if I'm not this person that I've always been told I am and thought that I am?

What if God wants more for me, but I'm clinging tightly to what I think/what I am now? What if that little tiny whisper inside my heart that that longs for more, that tells me that I am more...what if it's right?

The answer is the same as the answer always is. God is bigger, he's already there, he's the Truth.

I know.

I just wish the journey was a little less harrowing!

I want to be a SlowMama!

I'm super excited about the post for today because it's great, it's applicable, and I didn't have to write it! This concept is something that has always resonated with me even before I had kids. Some areas we've done fairly well in since having kids and some areas we still need to improve in, of course. Since bringing Boohoo home the ideals of slowness and simplicity are more than just things I wish for, they are absolutely things that I need, that I yearn for deeply. I asked Zoe if she'd be willing to write a post about tips for being a SlowMama to reinvigorate my own goals in this area. I hope that you find it meaningful to your life as well.  

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How Does A Busy Mom Slow Down?

Greetings, readers of Jamey's blog! I'm Zoe from SlowMama.com, and Jamey asked if I’d share some ideas about how busy mamas can slow down. I’m honored she asked and welcome your ideas in the comments section.

You should know that I’m not a mom... yet. My husband and I have been waiting for what feels like a hundred years for a phone call from our adoption agency telling us there are two children in Ethiopia who need us. In fact, the Ethiopian adoption connection is how I met Jamey.  

Despite my lack of direct experience in the mom department, I’m the oldest of 10, have numerous sisters and friends with children, and work with many women who are moms in my life coaching practice. So I know a little about the craziness of mama-hood. 

I realize that telling a mom to slow down is like telling her to stop breathing. I wish I had a secret formula for keeping life sane and wonderful 24-7, but I don’t. There’s no magic bullet. "Slow" living isn’t about moving like a turtle all the time, but doing everything at the right speed as much as possible, and making choices that bring a little more sanity and enjoyment to your day. 

In a mother's world, success often means being able to adapt, live with interruptions, and keep it together when you (once again) have to toss your plans out the window because a kid is sick, or your husband's late from work, or you just burned the chicken. Keeping the realities of motherhood in mind, here are eight ways to bring a little Slowness into your busy life:

Do less. A lot of us are simply doing too much -- and we’re used to it. We spend a lot of time in the car, our kids are engaged in tons of activities, and we juggle multiple tasks at once. What can you take off your plate? What can you cut out of your family’s schedule? Prioritize and let go of your expectations to be and do everything. 

Say “no” more often. “No” feels like such a negative response. But every “no” is really a “yes” to something or someone else. If you think of it that way, you can let go of the guilt about saying no to something that may be perfectly good, but not the best way to spend your time and energy right now.  

Organize and de-clutter. I know, you don't have time for this. Ask for some help as a birthday or Christmas gift and hire someone to come in for an afternoon or two. Maybe you have a friend who’s talented and bold enough to help. When it comes to tidying, start small: Set a timer for 15 minutes and put away everything you can in one room. (This is usually more than you think.) Get the kids involved where possible. Whatever it takes, a de-cluttered, more organized home helps you feel less crazy. Start with the kitchen.

Commit to a day of rest. Many religions advocate a day each week to focus on family, faith, and relaxation. Mormons have a weekly "Home Family Night" where they play games and spend time together. These traditions contain a lot of wisdom: We all need regular time away from our busy routines to focus on what matters. Commit to a day every week, or at least an afternoon or evening, without TV and computers. This is hard for moms, I know: Everyone still needs to eat, and bums still need to be wiped. But make it low maintenance and commit to it as a family. 

Keep it simple. I know this is easier said than done, but it's a key aspect of living "Slower." Pick one or two small areas and start there. Meals are one obvious possibility -- make them good quality, but stick to easy, uncomplicated recipes.  

Have daily rituals.  Build small things into your day that help you slow down... a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate, a cat nap when the kids are down, a check-in call with a girlfriend. Daily rituals for the whole family are also helpful: I know moms who’ve instituted quiet time every afternoon for 60-90 minutes -- the children don’t have to nap, but they have to play quietly or read. The moms use that time for reading, relaxation, creative tasks, or sleep. Another idea is to play some nice music at dinner. Little children don't always make for calm or civilized meals times, but developing small habits can build these things over time. 

Delight in the little things. When we’re always moving quickly through life, we don’t notice the beauty and goodness around us... the big leafy tree next door, the way the bacon tastes, the softness of your baby’s skin, the smile of a store clerk, the birds chirping outside your window. When we stop for a moment and use our senses, we create a moment of interior stillness. And when we point these things out to our children, we help them to develop their own awareness. 

Stay connected to other women. Research shows that women are healthier and happier when they spend time with other women. It actually brings our blood pressure down and provides us with a greater sense of well-being. Busy moms need to encourage each other, laugh together, carry each others' burdens. So carve out a regular girls' night, have coffee with a mom you enjoy, join a book club, call a girlfriend on the phone.  Don’t neglect these connections.    

These are just a few ideas to consider. Not rocket science. Nothing you probably haven’t heard. But oftentimes it’s the obvious things we need to be reminded of again and again. There’s much more that could be said about Slow living as a mom, but it’s mostly about being intentional about the perspective you bring to your daily life. 

My parting advice: Write this down and stick it on your fridge or bathroom mirror: 

Do less. Keep the clutter out. Simplify. Let it go. Stop. Laugh. Cry. Breathe. Have another piece of chocolate. Slow down, just for this moment. 

P.S. You might enjoy reading my SlowMama Manifesto which you can find here: http://slowmama.com/slowliving/the-slowmama-manifesto/

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Jamey, again, here. Yo! I told you it was a great piece. You should absolutely check out Zoe's site for more goodness. Let's talk about this too. Anything that you hadn't thought of before? Something that helps you that wasn't mentioned? I love that she mentioned the benefits of staying in community with other women. Personally, I'm really working on simplifying the amount of stuff that we have in our home and I love how it feels to get rid of stuff!

Thanks, Zoe!!

Father's Day

I had a whole post written about Father's Day and how lucky we are to have Andrew as a husband/father to us respectively. I was going to add just a few pictures, but I got overwhelmed. I deleted the post except for one phrase and went with lots and lots of pictures.

Eat your heart out.

:)