Jesus vs Santa…Or Not

Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! I love Christmas, all of it. I love the Baby Jesus part of it and I love the buying presents part of it. We don’t have that much money to spend on gifts, but if I had more, I’d spend more. Hear that? More presents!

I don’t believe that Baby Jesus and Presents for my Babies are mutually exclusive. There’s this new equation going around that (starts to sound like it) says, “take how much you think you love Jesus, subtract the number of Christmas presents that you buy, and that is how much you actually love Jesus, if and only iff you can somehow relate the presents that you buy to the gifts of the Magi, then you can add back one love point”.


Now, I understand that people are doing what’s right for their family, just like I’m doing what’s right for my family and they weren’t judging me. It’s cool. It was just this vibe that I got from time to time. I was judging myself. Because hey, I want my kids to love Jesus and to not be materialistic little snots. (There are actually very few people who do want their children to materialistic little snots, by the way.)

So I was thinking about all this this year and I’ve come to a conclusion. I will teach my children that Jesus is the best gift the world has ever been given, that he was born to die for their (and everyone’s) sins, and that they (and everyone) can be saved by accepting the gift of himself that he gave to those he loved: them (and everyone). I will teach them that we take this time to be thankful and pay special notice to the love, peace, joy, and selflessness already in the world and that they can give give to the world.

I will show them we can partake in all those things and still buy presents for each other. I will show them how to delight in thinking about their siblings and buying them something “perfect”. I will savor their joy at receiving good gifts that they haven’t earned that are given out of love with no restrictions.

This year we’re going to have a Christmas season that is filled with family, fun, gift giving and receiving, the Truth of the birth of Jesus, fairy tales about Santa and flying reindeer, service projects, a Jesse Tree…

…and let’s be honest: temper tantrums, lost patience, crying, gallons of hot cocoa, anxiety about the whole season, and hey, the one morning a year that I won’t mind a ridiculously early wake up call.

So, yes, I’m shooting for the best of both worlds here, and yes, of course, “Jesus is the reason for the season”, so if it comes down to a smack-down between Jesus and Santa I know which side I’ll be cheering for, but really, I think we can avoid that. And no, I don’t want a figuring of Santa kneeling in front of the manger, but thanks for asking.

To guide me through this cosmic balancing act I’ve bought the following little booklets. I’m going to be using them to set up some new traditions, hone some old ones, and peacefully juggle jingle bells from now to New Year’s.






I’ll be posting more about the specifics of what we’re doing (in case anyone is interested and even if you’re not) as I get them sorted out. I’m also going to put up some great gifts and toys that we’ve enjoyed in our house because let me admit, I feel kind of like an expert on toys for the under 6 set at this stage in my life. I just wanted this post to go up as an introduction.

Sara Groves Sunday Repost But Not On A Sunday

This originally posted in June (minus the video I included below) so only a few months ago, but I've been on a Sara Groves kick again and this song...well, I've got to quit listening to it in the car because it makes me bawl and then I show up places looking like a fool. I've got a lot of "trauma mamas" on my mind right now and I think this song could be our anthem....try again...try again...maybe today...it could be this time...this response...this therapy...this book...this prayer...this vitamin...this could be the day that we breakthrough. Love is still a worthy cause. 

Today's song selection is from Sara Groves' "Tell Me What You Know" album.

Love Is Still A Worthy Cause

have you listed all the times you've tried
do you call on all your alibis
when somebody asks the question why are you hiding

did you feel the pull, did you hear the call
did you take a chance and lose it all
do you fear there's no collateral left for trying

friend i know your heart is raw
but love is still a worthy cause
picking up and pressing on
oh love is still a worthy cause
like the touch that starts the thaw
oh, love is such a worthy cause
or the word that breaks the pause

in the midst of passing bravery
in the face of our own injuries
is the constant generosity of grace

it's the beauty in the tales we tell
it's the pressing on and ending well
it's the joy that comes when we give our self away

chorus

i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i love because you loved me when i had nothing
i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i had nothing

when you count the cost and all seems lost
love is still a worthy cause
when you're pressing on though your strength is gone
love is still a worthy cause

oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love

Adoption Grinch

Maybe my heart is “three sizes too small”. I know that’s what I feel like when people start talking about National Adoption Month and Orphan Sunday. As a mom who has adopted I know that I’m supposed to break out the confetti, get out my bullhorn and start shrieking about the glowing goodness that we call adoption.

But confetti makes such a mess and I’m pretty sure that bullhorns give me a headache. So instead, I will sip my coffee and let’s calmly talk about why National Adoption Month and Orphan Sunday make me cringe.

1. I think these things turn into a celebration of adoptive parents. “Look what I did!” “Look what we’re doing!” “Look how enlightened I am!” “See my compassion!” In the (very great) book, “Bossypants” by Tina Fey she says that sometimes when people talk to her about a scar that she has she gets the feeling that what they’re really saying, “Let me be awesome at you.” And I think that’s dead on what happens to adoptive parents and churches when we start promoting this rosy view of adoption.

I understand that it isn’t our intent to turn the focus back on ourselves, but it’s happening anyway. I also don’t think that it’s our intent to minimize the experience of adult adoptees, to marginalize first mothers, to raise our minority race children in an environment that is racially hostile, or to perpetuate feelings of shame, secrecy, and less-than-ness in our children who we have adopted, but it’s happening anyway. No matter how you slice and dice the adoption triad, adoptive parents are the ones with the majority of the power and we have to own up to the fact that good intentions aren’t enough we have to have good critical thinking skills and good actions as well. Are we going to be perfect? No, but I think that when we have a lapse in generally used critical thinking skills and we slip up with generally put into action good behavior then we can fall back on good intentions and a sincere apology when we flub it up. But I don’t think that we can continue to sit on good intentions, thinking that it’s enough, we’ve got to move beyond that.

2. My next (ill-tempered, I’m sure) complaint is what about the rest of the year? We’re going to take a marginalized group, shine a spotlight on the parts we like one Sunday/one month a year and call it good? Ehhhh, I think that’s nutty. Where’s the serving? Where’s the discussion of the issues? Where’s the way for people to actually get involved and make a difference? We share a few touching films, hear a few stories from people who have had everything go swimmingly, show some shocking pictures, say ‘Anyone can do it! God blesses adoption!’ and then go out to lunch.

3. Of course, I have to mention which adoptions are generally talked about as well. Rarely, is foster care adoption mentioned at all, or at least not as a “good” method for family-building. It’s got to be said (and I’ll say it) that yes, I notice that the stories that are valued and shared are the easy ones. And yes, it hurts my feelings. Stories like mine, that are complicated and hard, we are not the popular kids in the adoption world. I maintain, that I’m entitled to these feelings of hardship because of what I’ve experienced since coming home. My story is as much Adoption as is the one that has been dipped in a rainbow and tied with a bow.

I consider the resistance to my story to be similar to what I hear from adult adoptees that have less than perfect stories/emotions to share. If they are swimming through an unfriendly ocean of reactions then I’ve been flicked with the water. It’s one of my prayers, that if just being her mother isn’t enough to keep me standing by my girl when she has hard things to say (because I know I’m not doing this all right!) hard things for me to hear, then I will remember these days, when it’s my story that is pariah and I will L.I.S.T.E.N.

I guess I appreciate potential of “National Adoption Month” and “Orphan Sunday” although I cannot get on board with that name. I think that there are so many issues that should be discussed, I think there are so many needs to be met, and voices to be heard. But as it stands now, I think we’re missing out on substance and devouring (making ourselves sick?) on the frosting and sprinkles.