Christine talks about “ruts”. Karyn Purvis talks about learning better “scripts”. Paul talks about “doing what I do not want to do”. I’m giving the win to Thomas A Kempis with “Fight bravely, for habit overcomes habit.” That has become one of my favorite sayings since we brought Boohoo home although certainly not one that I always follow.
A huge part of our struggle right now is that we’re fighting habits that have been entrenched for almost two years. There’s good reason that we’ve created those habits and frankly, some of them have helped our family survive intact to the 2 year point. However, in the ever-present longing to move from surviving to thriving we have to say goodbye to what gets us through the moment and focus on what gets us to healing. It sounds like it should be an easy trade, but anyone who is trying to make can tell you how hard it is and that those opportunities are gone almost before you see them passing.
We are in the middle of some huge transitions in the Zehlahlum Family. Andrew is separating from the military, starting a new job, buying a new house, having this house packed, living without furniture for six days, moving into a new house, and starting to paint every atrocious wall in that house. We’re prepping for all that now and then the changes will all take places within 9 days of each other. And because we’re gluttons for punishment we’ll be doing that with three preschoolers in tow and without Andrew actually taking any time off during the process.
Hey, and while we’re talking trauma triggers… Boohoo was relinquished in April, Andrew will have a birthday in there as well (30!) , my parents are coming into town eight days after we move (which will be a godsend, but will be a tailspin anyway), and then we move straight into Boohoo’s two year home anniversary, and then her birthday. Yeah, that’s our April. What are you doing?
All that to say, this isn’t the time for us to be trying any big sweeping changes in how we parent. We need to hunker down, hold tight, and have a sense of humor (until we make it to June probably). I have a big plan for “Opportunities” but you won’t see it until then. And it’s not medically recommended to hold your breath for that length of time so don’t do that, just you know, wait eagerly.
For now, I’m taking a simple approach. I printed off a 100 Days calendar from A Holy Experience and I’m using it to track three times a day that I choose to do something kind for Boohoo and/or we “have a moment” together. I just started today. My three items were:
1. Rocked and read 2 books
2. Sat with her while she played in her room
3. Exchanged silly compliments
Looking forward to seeing where we’ll be in 100 days! Anyone else in?