Dueling ABCs of a Beach Vacation with Little Kids

Dueling ABCs started back over 18 months ago when Little Princess Flower and I were debating the day to day life with small children. Little Princess Flower has been silenced for awhile because that’s how snazzy things have been around here. However ---

Hello darlings! It’s Little Princess Flower and I just want to say how fantastically super-lovely it is to be here again. There is so much we should catch up on. I think that we should hold hands, and whisper secrets, and skip through fields of posies and watch unicorns sing praise choruses with harmonicas and then I’'ll tell you about all the beautiful things we have done here lately. Until we can do that though let me share my ABCs with you! /And then I will share reality with you because it’s what I do.

Always together!/Always. Together. Can’t. Breathe. From. All. This. Smothering. Togetherness. Gasp. Choke. Death.

Beach walks/Bleeding blisters on your husband’s feet on the first day so he can hardly walk for the next four days

Crabs popping out of their little beach holes and scuttling about/Crabs popping out of their beds at 6am and refusing to nap

Drinking coffee on the balcony watching the sunrise over the beach/Drinking coffee on the balcony wondering why I have to be up at sunrise on vacation

Easy to pack for vacation because I bleed organization./Easy to step over suitcases for three weeks because I hate unpacking

Forgetting the day to day hassles for a week/Forgetting your daughter’s bathing suit

Gettin’ some!/Getting my period during our first vacation in a decade. C’mon! Can’t a girl get a break?!

Hearing the kids squeal for joy in the ocean/Hearing your daughter say she has sand in her… “girl parts”.

Imagining a week of just me and Andrew alone and chilling together/Imagine and keep imagining, Jamey because that ain’t happening

Just one day’s drive away from home!/Just keep driving (with three kids between the ages of 3-5) for an entire day each way.

K: The only thing I can think of when it comes to the letter ‘K’ (ever!) is when people use it incorrectly in their business as if I’m going to be positively influenced by the fact they think that “Kidz Korner” is a cute name for their business. In reality, it embitters me against them forever and makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon.

Legit reason to ignore text messages and emails/Legit reason to lay in bed and see if I can be pretend to be asleep longer than Andrew when we hear the kids waking up in the morning

“Mom, I love the beach. We should go on vacation every year!”/ “Moooom, mooom, I need to go start to cry, try to dry off, get covered in sand, slog back up the beach, wash my feet off for ten minutes still not get all the sand, go upstairs still shedding sand, cry more when I can’t pull down my wet swimsuit and then scream when I realize that I’m cold, pee for 2 seconds, freak out in frustration when I can’t get my wet swimsuit back on, remember I forgot to wipe…  potty.”

Never want to go on vacation without the kids/Never gonna be able to find someone to stay with the kids for a week

Oh, I can’t wait to go on vacation again!/Oh, I can’t wait to be home again!

Playing in the sand/Pounds of sand brought into the house three times a day…so glad it’s a rental and not my house

Quiet, the kids are napping!(an imagined benefit to hours on the beach in the morning)/Quiet! Be Quiet! I don’t care if you don’t nap, but I want to!

Reminded of how small your kids are when you see them playing in the waves/Realizing how easy it would be for your kids to drown in the waves and being 34 types of paranoid for the rest of the trip

Sweetly scented like coconut little bodies covered in sunscreen/Stand still and quit screaming while I put this sunscreen on you. It does not hurt!

Thinking we’ll read books as a family, play games, and just hang out, no tv for a week/Trying not to fly into a homicidal rage when you hear the “Fresh Beat Band” playing around the clock from the tvs in every bedroom.

Unplugging from social media for a week/Unplugging from social media for a week (no downside to this one!)

Very, very fun boat tour. Thanks, Captain Scott!/Very, very fun vacation, Andrew. Thanks for all your hard work to make it possible.

Wow, this is an old person’s beach and my body still looks better than that! Who knew a beach vacation could be good for the ego?!/Weight Watchers when I get home though. Seriously!

“X marks the spot!” I’ll buy these fun and expensive pirate theme beach toys because won’t that be so cute and fun in the sand for my pirate-loving kids?!/ “X marks the chump!” because they played with those for about four minutes. See if mommy splurges on you ever again….

Yes, this is an easy time to get a headcold because I can just take it easy/Yuck! Pass the tissues and stay away from anyone who is snotty and please try not to snore.

Zero Responsibilities while on vacation! Right?!/Zero chance of zero responsibilities when bringing a 3, 4, and 5 year old on vacation.

We did have a great time though and I think that our next family vacation will be less than a decade away! What do you think? Did Little Princess Flower and I miss anything?