Say It’s Not So

 

The time in my Mother Life has come when I cannot reasonably be sure that my children will all sleep at naptime. I now approach naptime with anxiety, dread, and fury and we all know the right combination is fury, anticipation, and relief.

I don’t care who you are, how your child has never napped, or that your Angel napped every day since he was delivered from your womb and until you delivered him to Harvard. Don’t care.

I’m just panicking.

You Can’t Make Me Fail

Let’s be honest with each other and if you know me in real life, you’re not going to have any problem with this statement.

Logic is not my strong suit.

It’s just not. There’s no shame in that (there was for awhile, but I’m over it) because I have other strong suits (better ones that are much more fun). 

I had “perfectly acceptable” logic that told me that since I was about to turn 30 (that happened this summer if you missed the drama) that my life was basically over.

If you complain to me that “It’s Monday” my response will be, “Well, that means tomorrow is Tuesday and that means that it’s almost Wednesday and Wednesday is halfway through the week and once you’ve made it to Wednesday than Thursday is just the day before the day before the weekend and who doesn’t love Friday and so there you go: It’s almost the weekend.” You’re welcome.

I was talking to someone recently about my Reading List for January. It consists of these books:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Mountains Beyond Mountains, Fallen, Wild Things, Love & Logic for Early Childhood, How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will Too, Loving the Little Years and One for the Money.

Yes, that’s eight books which would mean I’d need to read one book every 3.875 days. I’m perfectly capable of doing that and speaking of drooling over  someonething it sounds delicious to have that luxury. However, right now I’m not reading anywhere near that much.

Thus, I knew when I made the January Book List that I wouldn’t get them all read. It was commented to me, “you’re setting yourself up for failure.” It was said nicely and in that was logical people use to send the message that they are right and they take it be fact that you agree with their so called logic.

Let me undo that knotty bit of logic.

If I’m setting myself up to fail that means that I’m planning on failing and therefore if I fail then I’ve succeeded with my original intent. But, if I don’t fail. If say, I get all the books read (which I’m not going to do unless I zap my children off planet for the next few days which does have merit...) then I have still succeeded because then I’ve just overachieved my own goal.

There is no way for me to come out of this any way but Awesome.

Ahem, enough about me. What are you reading?

Weight Watchers Weekly Check-In 3

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for three weeks now. You can read about why I joined Weight Watchers and my thoughts and results of my first and second weigh ins. I’m starting my 4th week now and usually this is about the time I’d be sick of whatever program I was doing and I’d taper off and quit. But guess what? (a: I paid for three months) I don’t want to quit! And it’s not because I’m losing six pounds a week either and I’ve been selected to be a bikini model (shudder) or because I won the lottery (still trying). I don’t want to quit because I'm making healthy choices for myself. And I like it! (Feel free to dance in a circle in your kitchen, I just did.)

What Did Not Work This Week:
We ate out THREE times this week. That is way more than usual. I know I keep saying that, but things keep coming up. For instance, there was a going-away party for someone from my husband’s office, which meant Buffalo Wild W*ngs. And I love their food, mmmmm. But holy, flipping cow. First, you have to email them for nutrition information. I find that sketchy, unnecessary, AND annoying. Yes, all three. Next, 20 points plus for EIGHT boneless wings. It pained me to read that. It also prompted a text message to myself which may or may not have included a curse word and failing about how unfair life is.

We did realize part of the “too much fast food” phase has come about because we’re going to church thirty minutes away from home and by the time we’re driving back the kids are already past lunch and nap time and I usually grocery shop Sunday or Monday and so there’s not much food left. Any mothers out there know what that means? Fast food on the way home. Andrew and I decided we’d (meaning I, lol) start putting something in the crockpot on Sunday mornings so that we know we have food to come home too. No more lunch in the car!

Also this week, we went out as a family and ate Ethiopian food in all it’s glorious goodness! This is only the second time in probably a year that we’ve been able to do that. And let’s not lie, when we were all sitting in the restaurant I remembered why that was. Oi. But the food was delicious. The kids loved it. I loved it and I decided that I was just going to enjoy it.

I still didn’t exercise this week. I have got to figure out a way to make that work, but man it’s hard. I still feel like it’s hard for me to enjoy some carb-heavy things that I love that are a lot of points. I don’t want to “pay” points I just want to eat them because I like them. That’s something I’m still struggling with a bit that I’m not crazy about. I’m also still being unorganized about my meals and so I’m creating them on the fly, which works, but isn’t really that helpful.

What Worked This Week:
Frankly, I’m proud of my work this week. All the eating out was the hardest part, but I managed each situation as it came up and had it still work within my plan. I even finished the week with 3 points lefts…and that was after a huge celebratory “I still have points!” bowl of ice cream last night.
My solution so far for drive-thru fast food is just a regular cheeseburger (or the kind that has two burgers, but not the extra bun in the middle), medium fries (which I eat half of and then hand off to my husband before I change my mind), and a Diet Coke. It’s still a pretty “point heavy” meal and frankly, it’s not what I want from there and so now I basically don’t consider it worth it…which is a GOOD thing.

I could have chosen NOT to eat at Buffalo Wild W*ngs. I was actually not going to the party, but being a taxi to the party and so the take-out I got could have been avoided, but I wanted it and so I made it work. (This is why I love Weight Watchers because it works for my life!!) I ate 4 boneless wings and some fruit and tried to pretend that was what I wanted. The next day I sliced up my last four wings and put them on top of a big salad and that was a lot more satisfying and I felt like I got more that way.

Our meal at the Ethiopian restaurant was the first time that I did something that could be construed as ‘cheating’. I didn’t want to try and look up similar recipes (I’m not crazy about the W.W. search feature on the site) and frankly, I didn’t want to try and monitor myself at the restaurant. I’d consider Ethiopian food to be fairly healthy just based on my thoughts, no science. Anyway, so I had 10 points left for the day when we went and I just considered them all used up for the day.

I’m getting better at cooking just out of my pantry without a recipe and staying within my points and making low-point meals. I’m getting used to eating smaller portions of food and picking more filling options. In general, I’m getting the hang of the plan. I’m getting the hang of snacking smart and I love the suggestions you guys are giving me (“Hello, Special K chips!”)

I’m still super-observant and thoughtful about the choices that I’m making, but this plan is working for me. I ate out three times this week, I had ice cream three times this week, I didn’t exercise, and I still lost weight! And it’s not because I’m depriving myself the rest of the week. I do NOT do deprivation,crazy self-control, or stark limits well. Weight Watchers is just this flexible. I also think it really helps that I’m writing these weekly posts because it helps me to look back and review my week and know where I need to tweak.

Results:
Bear with me here, this is a long post today. I’m celebrating though! And believe me, a huge part of me wants to downplay this like it’s not a big deal or that I’m just getting lucky, or I haven’t even re-lost the weight that I lost last time I tried and gained back, etc. But I’m shutting that part of me up…why do we women do that to ourselves?! I’m taking credit for my hard work and being proud of my progress.

I lost 1.6 pounds this week and I’ve lost my first five pounds!


So that’s me. Tell me about you this week!

Stolen Fun

I stole these four questions from SimpleMom’s blog where she was introducing her yearly contributors. Have you read her site? I’m sure you have! It’s one of my go-to sites. Fabulous! (I’m sure it was just oversight that kept her from asking me to be a contributor. lol)

I was going to answer the questions there, but then I thought about all of you people my dear readers and I wanted to hear your answers too.  Because let’s face it, if you don’t write me comments then I’m left aimlessly wander the internet and I hear it’s dangerous out there!

1. Who’s in your family?

2. Which six people are invited to your dinner party?

3. What have you gained from the internet?

4. What’s your beverage of choice?

And because I’m nosy here are two more questions.

5. Who has been the most influential person in your life?

6. Name a children’s book. The first one that popped into your head.

Here are my answers.

1. My husband Andrew. We met in 2001 and will have been married for 10 years this May. Peanut, our oldest son. He just turned 5 in November. Boohoo, our daughter. She was adopted from Ethiopia in 2010 and is “3.5”. Pickle, our youngest son, who turned 3 on Christmas. Boris the cat who joined the family in October because I’m an impulse shopper.

2. I’m counting couples as 1 person because I can’t even play by my own rules. *The Obamas (my husband’s genealogy says we’re related to the President), *Stephen Colbert, *Christine & Corey (and yes, I just made them a couple), *David Boreanaz (because I don’t only drool over Shemar Moore) & Jessica Alba (they’re not a couple either, but it would be awkward if Andrew and I didn’t both have someone to drool over) *Nora Roberts as J.D. Robb, and *One of my Internet Friends (there are so many women that I chat with online and have online friendships with that I think, ‘Man! We could really be friends if we lived closer together!’ So I’d beam someone over here. I can’t choose who. I’d have to draw a name.)

3. Obviously, I’ve gained a lot of friends, but I’ve also gained the community/knowledge/strength/encouragment that I need to parent my daughter, I’ve rediscovered my writer’s voice, and a sense of solidarity that I’m not alone in this strange life I lead.

4. Coffee.

5. My dear friends Mark & Jen. I can’t count the times that I came to them broken or breaking and each time they glued me back together in better shape than I started in. Again and again and again as if they didn’t have anything else to do, but help a dopey teenager.

6. “The Wolves of Willoughby Chase (The Wolves Chronicles)' target=_blank>The Wolves of WilloughbyChase” by Joan Aiken. I totally confess to making this question up solely so I could list this book because it’s been strangely taking up (limited) space in my brain for weeks now and I’m hoping this absolves me. I did really like this book as a kid though. I don’t think that I ever actually read it, but I did have it on audiotape and used to fall asleep listening to it though with children of my own…I wouldn’t recommend this book for falling asleep to, but it is a great story. (Or at least I thought so 15 years ago)

Now you! Answer some or all of my questions!

1. Who’s in your family?

2. Which six people are invited to your dinner party?

3. What have you gained from the internet?

4. What’s your beverage of choice?

And because I’m nosy here are two more questions.

5. Who has been the most influential person in your life?

6. Name a children’s book. The first one that popped into your head.

Faithful and not Finished

Right now my youngest child is three years old and there are two older siblings.

When we came home with Boohoo my oldest child was three and a half and there are two younger siblings.

I know that six months is a big age difference in a kid’s life, but really. Let’s just stop and say “WOW!” together. That’s a lot o’ little kids. And I believe that in another year I’m going to look back to now and say the same thing again, and then in another five years even more so, and then in a decade or two I’m going to look back and remember what it was like to have three little little little kids simultaneously and I’m just going to pass out and be rushed to the hospital spa for the fluids and rest that I’m still short on!

Right now at three, I look at Pickle and I think how little he is, but then….

Peanut was (nearly) 3.5 years old. Boohoo was two years old. Pickle was not yet a year and a half. I was on the brink of moderate episode of depression. Boohoo cried constantly, hated Andrew, and tolerated me. Peanut reverted to needing to sleep in my bed with me every night. Pickle was essentially still a baby. Andrew had a hugely demanding job. Everyone had giardia. And that was just the beginning.

I look back now and I feel exhausted for myself. I really don’t remember a ton of specifics of that time. Frankly, that’s for the best and I’d like to forget some of what’s left from it! But we made it through and it’s a lot easier now than it was then. Looking back at that scares me.

I know how we got through it though…at least on the big picture (since I don’t remember the details). God was faithful to us. In that bleak, terrifying, desperate period where my soul was filled with the howling of raw emotion (if not mine then echoes from the kids!) He was there.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

So God, if you’re reading this blog this is my shout out to say “Thanks!” I know that he was faithful to us then. It had nothing to do with us. And I know that he’s faithful to us now. We are certainly not “arrived” and we are no less in need of his protection, help, and grace now than we were then. Not at all.

Now, I’m just seeing more clearly. Now I know we are still hard-pressed, but I know we will not be crushed, I feel perplexed (about every .5 seconds), but I know that I don’t have to despair. I hear the tantrums persecution, but I don’t feel abandoned except by Andrew who gets/has to go to work all day. I do feel struck down (many times), but I know that I will not be destroyed.

Because my God is faithful.

And because my God is faithful I know that He is not finished yet.

“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”